The ProofrEADJer: Total End of July Edition

Misuse of a contraction. 10 yard penalty. Possession, Steelers.

The EADJ Fashion Roundup: The Ladies' Spring Collection

"Yeah, I'm in front of the Flatiron Building. I'm wearing Mom jeans with a metal pole up my ass– you can't miss me."

"Make good choices today so you don't have regrets tomorrow." - some shitty Facebook quote meme

Eva managed to take her kids to the arcade after finishing her shift at Spicy Latina Airlines.

Spotted at the public library. It took everything I had not to squeeze the red bulb to see if her head honked like a horn.

Sequels

EADJ Pun Cops: On the Beat

(Cue "Dragnet" theme song)


The following suspects were rounded up in the last week for various pun infractions, misdemeanors and felonies. All suspects are considered innocent until convicted in a court of pun law.


Suspect: Airport souvenir shop in Albuquerque, NM.
Violation: Type 4 Pun-On-Garment Violation
Verdict: DEATH


Suspect: Ruth Halperin, realtor
Violation: Type 8 Realtor Pun Violation With Intent To Use As Permanent Slogan
Verdict: DEATH


Suspect: Brad J. Lamb, realtor
Violation: Type 3 Visual Pun Violation, Type 8 Realtor Violation Using One's Name As Crux of Pun
Verdict: Let Off With Verbal Warning


Suspect: The New York Daily News
Violation: Type 5 "Groaner"
Verdict: None. Read Article About Fashion Week. Was Pretty Good.


Suspect: USA Network
Violation: Type 6 "Groaner" Tagline Violation, Flagrant Disregard of Capital Letters
Verdict: DEATH


Suspect: Darren Star Productions, HBO Films, IFP Westcoast, and New Line Cinema
Violation: Type 9 "Groaner With Facepalm" Headline Violation, Use of Sarah Jessica Parker, Use of French
Verdict: DEATH

Butterscotch Gets Some

John Reid took it upon himself to post a personals ad on behalf of Butterscotch on Craigslist in the "Casual Encounters" section, the dating equivalent of the Mos Eisley spaceport. Here is the ad:

Butterscotch is Yummy!!!!1!!! - w4m

I am a life-sized plush pony that loves to be groomed and cared for. I have many features similar to that of a real pony, including moving eyes, ears and head, soft fur coat and a swishing tail. Through sensors, I can feel when I am being groomed and I will move my head toward you, and may whinny and snort. The more you touch me, the happier I become. Just like a real pony, I love carrots and can be "fed." Hold the pretend carrot to my face, and I will open my mouth for it, or shake my head "no" if I have had enough. You can even sit on Butterscotch and I will make walking sounds. Measures 39" tall. Requires 6 "D" batteries (not included). Adult assembly required. Holds up to 80 pounds.

* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

----------


And the response John got was prompt and did not disappoint.


From ins0mnyacsdr33m@xxxxx.com
Is all of that one large innuendo or just a really misplaced ad???
Either way, considering the context, it's really entertaining.

From "celery sticks"
should i get carrots AND butterscotch?

From "Damien B" damien@xxxxx.com
My name is, Damien.
I live in brooklyn Im 6'2" and I'm in college at the moment

If your interested you can hit me back up.




From "KT" backbloodfuge@xxxx.com
damn, that's the hottest posting I've ever read. I have a saddle sitting here and a riding crop waiting to be put to use. you game?
Be my butterscotch

From wowoy@xxxx.com
Hey,
I loved your post. But where are those sensors? and how much hair do
you really have :)

And then, inevitably, the posting was taken down.

"Your posting has been flagged for removal. Approximately 98% of postings removed are in violation of craigslist posting guidelines."