"After a stray cat adopts Zachary, he meets Marilee and realizes the single life is not as fulfilling as he thought it was." Wow. What this movie's summary is almost suggesting is that CATS are matchmakers instead of jealous little demons who actually jeopardize your hopes of meeting someone new—so it's fiction. Also, look at how horribly written that summary is- does the stray cat realize that single life is not as fulfilling? Watch your sentence subjects, Hallmark!
Okay, let's just start right off here saying that this movie is way, way more than just a romantic wish fulfillment fantasy- it's straight up cat lady PORN. Only in this particular ad hoc situation would being a lonely, overworked student with a love for cats and handsome men have both fall into her lap and answer all her prayers just in time for Christmas. And yes, there is literally a scene in a supermarket where the protagonist has opted for the larger tub of ice cream because she's so given up on finding romance. This is called "identifying your audience."
Yes, it's pure Christmas masturbation fantasy, but for what other reason would women be tuning to the Hallmark Channel? It's not like guys are reading Penthouse because their horny supermodel girlfriends who love threesomes, chicken winging and anal happen to be stuck in traffic.
The whole story starts when a stray cat "chooses" some guy to take care of him:
The other firemen in the firehouse don't act or talk like firemen at all. Like in the history of firemen. Or men. I can't quite explain it, so here is their dialogue verbatim from this scene:
Chief Sam: Any progress?
Zach: No. She's not on Facebook or LinkedIn or anything.
Mark: Man, I can't believe Blair had her fired.
Ray: That is cold. You know maybe I don't want her to have my number, after all.
(Mark chuckles)
Chief Sam: You barely told us anything about this woman. What is she like?
Zach: Well, she's wicked smart. Probably gets straight A's.
Ray: But more importantly, what's she look like?
(Mark throws a poker chip at Ray)
Ray: (defensively) Wha... I'm curious!
Zach: She's really pretty, but she doesn't know it.
Chief Sam: Well, that's the best kind of pretty. Is she nice?
Zach: Unbelievably. She's got a really big heart. She's sweet, she loves cats.
Chief Sam: Wicked smart, beautiful but not full of herself, heart of gold, and sweet.
(guys chuckle)
Zach: What're you sayin'?
Chief Sam: Sounds like a special person.
Zach: She is.
The end. Thank the Baby Jesus on his blessed birthday.
Romance Factor: 8 out of 10
Christmas Cheer: 3 out of 10
Overall Rating: 5.5 out of 10
Time Until First Kiss: 1:08:45
p.s. Watching this shit is exhausting, btw.
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