Sunday, December 10, 2017

25 Days of Hallmark Movies: Day 10: "The Spruces And The Pines" Starring Jonna Walsh and Nick Ballard

Let's just start by saying referencing "Romeo and Juliet" doesn't make you learned; we ALL read the damn thing in high school. So to take a stab at the Bard's masterwork here in a Hallmark Christmas movie doesn't lend class to the affair- instead it cheapens Shakespeare.  And that's saying a lot, even after having seen "Tromeo and Juliet" and "Gnomeo and Juliet."

Ten bucks says the filmmakers don't have the balls to depict a double suicide at the end.


Plot summary: "A Romeo and Juliet romance takes place among two feuding New England Christmas Tree lot families. Against their families' wills, Julie Pine and visiting-from-Texas, Rick Spruce, fall in love, but are forced to hide their Yuletide relationship."

"Two feuding New England Christmas Tree lot families." Man, right off the bat they're asking us to accept a ridiculous premise, because the Christmas tree lot families I know would be above petty feudin' in order to sell trees. Don't they know diversity STRENGTHENS the Christmas tree market?!!!!















The following dialogue is taken from this scene verbatim:

Uncle David: Did you sell these nice people a tree, Rick?



Rick: Yeah! They came in early looking for a blue spruce tree. Is there a problem?

Uncle David: Sure is. You sold them a balsam fir.


Rick: (eyes wide) Really?

Uncle David: Yeah, they brought the tag.

 


Rick: (to old couple) I’m awful sorry, folks. My mistake.

Uncle David: Rick, a fir is just a pine. It’s soft and thin. The… the branches bow under the slightest weight. Now a spruce, (to old couple) *that* is a noble tree. You can hang a bowling ball on that tree! 



Rick: Yes sir.

Uncle David: You gotta know the difference between a pine and a spruce, Rick. It’s our family name. For Pete’s sake!

Rick: It won’t happen again.


































Romance Factor: 5 out of 10
Christmas Cheer: 9 out of 10
Overall Rating: 7 out of 10
Time Until First Kiss: 39:53 (sluts!)


So it turns out this is less of a romance and more about rekindling old friendships (pardon the wood pun). That was kind of a pleasant surprise, actually. Not usually in Hallmark's overdecorated wheelhouse.

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