Friday, January 31, 2014

An Imagined Conversation

"Hey, Rachel."
"Do you mind if I ask you something?"
"Sure, what?"
"Do I look like a fucking retard?"
"That's not cool. My cousin happens to be mentally cha..."
"Uh, no, Rachel. No you don't."
"Then why the fuck would you try to pull one over on me on the Dominos Chicken Wings packaging?"
"Excuse me?"
"Look, I hired you as a freelance illustrator out of the goodness of my heart, Seth. Your portfolio was decent, you didn't cost much, and I happened to be in a good mood that day. Today, I am NOT in a good fucking mood."
"What seems to be the problem?"
"Look for yourself, asshole."
(Seth examines the Dominos Chicken Wings packaging)
"You don't see anything wrong, Seth?"
"Uh, no. I don't..."
"LOOK, Seth. The Mediterranean Veggie is switched with the Chicken Habanero! They're both mislabeled!"
"Yeah, 'oh,' asshole. You fucked up. This has already gone to press, and now I look like a fucking incompetent asshole because you screwed up the Chicken Habanero with the Mediterranean Veggie. Now when people order the Mediterranean Veggie after seeing the illustration on the side of this Chicken Wings box, they'll expect what in actuality is the Chicken Habanero sandwich."
"The proofreader missed something, too, by the way. 'Cheese Steak' is one word."

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