Tuesday, May 21, 2013

The EADJ Pun Police: Parliamentary Sergeant At Arms Edition


*gavel is struck*

The 45th Pun Society Society will now come to order. The honorable Judge Joel Thomas presiding. Secretary of Treasury Kinshasa Malou in attendance. And Acting Sergeant Of Arms William Toriff standing in for Greg Brisbane, who was injured in a parasailing incident last week.

First order of business: an item submitted by Tom Weingard:


I'm sorry, Councilman Hardy, I know it is awful but you do not have the floor. Speaker Randagall has made a motion to incinerate this ad in an oil drum. All in favor? The ayes have it.

*gavel is struck*

Our second item comes from a newsletter from Midtown Comics:




Yes, Speaker Gurhy, I understand how terrible this pun is. That is why the committee is acting upon it now. And Speaker Erhardnt, please do not have sidebar discussions while a motion is active. I will have no choice but to issue you two demerits.

Item three is a bus side advertisement.


For those of you in the back of the chamber, the tagline for this ad for The Rachel Zoe Show reads "Fashion From Head To Zoe." All in favor of driving the bus into the nearby rock quarry and setting off dynamite to bury it forever? The ayes have it. Here are the keys, Marshall Stonebridge.

Item four is a souvenir t-shirt from the Czech Republic:


Oh, we cannot vote on any items that are presented sideways? Damn.

Item five comes to us from a mall in New Jersey:


*gavel is struck*

Ladies, and gentlemen, I do realize that many of you are growing restless as this meeting has gone longer than anticipated, but I assure you that this is almost the end. Those of you who remain standing will be ejected and barred from attending the next three meetings. That includes you, Speaker Harrimann.

Ahem. Item six. 




All in favor of ignoring? Ayes, 48. Nays 12.

Item seven, spotted on Flickr:


*gavel is struck many times*


Order! Order! I will have order here, people! Yes, I know it doesn't make any sense. No, I don't know if that's supposed to be Leonard Nimoy or Zachary Quinto- you have to present that question to the committee as a... EVERYBODY, STOP PUSHING FOR THE EXITS!

*loses gavel, starts crying*

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