The New York Department of Public Flyaways and Frizzies
Memo For Immediate Release
11:33:45 AM--------------
THE NY DEPT OF PUBLIC FLYAWAYS AND FRIZZIES HAS ANNOUNCED A PUBLIC DANGER IN THE CITY OF NEW YORK. SOURCES IN COLLABORATION WITH THE NYDPFF HAVE CONFIRMED THE EXISTENCE OF ERRANT BALLS OF HAIR, OR "HAIRBALLS," CIRCULATING THROUGHOUT THE CITY. REFER TO PHOTOS 1A-3A FOR VISUAL CONFIRMATION, AIDED BY RED ARROWS THAT INDICATE THE DANGER.
THESE "HAIRBALLS" APPEAR SIMILAR TO TUMBLEWEEDS AND DRIED BUSHES FOUND IN ARIZONA AND UTAH. HOWEVER, INSTEAD OF BEING MADE OF DRIED PLANT MATTER, THESE APPEAR TO CONSIST OF HAIR EXTENSIONS AND DETACHED HAIR WEAVES.
THESE "HAIRBALLS," -OR AS SOMEONE CLEVER IN OUR DEPARTMENT REFERRED TO IT DURING BREAK- "TUMBLEWEAVES," ARE NOT KNOWN TO BE DANGEROUS. HOWEVER, THEY DO NOT APPEAR TO BE SAFE, EITHER.
THE NYDPFF URGES THE PUBLIC NOT TO APPROACH, TOUCH, OR CATCH TO THESE "TUMBLEWEAVES" (IT IS A PRETTY CATCHY NAME, HOWARD). THEY ARE INSTRUCTED TO INSTEAD NOTIFY THE NYDPFF BY DIALING "811."
ANY NEW YORK RESIDENTS OR VISITORS WHO ENCOUNTER FUTURE "TUMBLEWEAVES" ARE URGED TO STAY OUT OF WHATEVER TRAJECTORY THEY ARE ROLLING AND TO STAY INDOORS. LIKE MAYBE CATCH THAT NEW TYLER PERRY MOVIE, "MADEA GOES TO JAIL." THAT LOOKS KIND OF FUNNY.
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