Farewell, Sweet Nudelman.

(The following is, sadly, the last in-house entry of "In the Nude" by Joe Nudelman, who for the last six months has been a major contriubutor to Eat a Dick Joel:)

Today I’ve decided to write a worthy tribute to the arguably most awesomest weapon ever forged by the gods: The trident!


This glorious piece of weaponry is as deadly as it is versatile. The use of the Trident has spanned over the course of all time, spanning universes, species, and mythology.


Did you know that more things have been poked by the tips of a trident than the overall number of thrusts with a trident over the course of our history? Approximately three holes have been punctured for every single thrust, talk about efficiency! Bet your stupid gun can’t hit three things with only one bullet… HA!
Tridents have played a glorious role in the development of our modern society. Ancient warriors and rulers of sea wielded the mighty ‘Tri-Cornered Spear’ (as it was referred to in the time of Scurvy). Many might argue that had it not been for this spectacular bit of weaponry, that the Navy as we know may not have ever received permission to traverse the glorious ocean that covers our planet, and we would be forced to become land isolated, living in caves, and likely turning to cannibalism in the absence of wonderful silks and spices that could be found just on the other side of the pond. I pledge my loyalty to those brave ancient souls and salute thee who created the wondrous trident.


The trident paved the way for many things. From useful things such as forks, sporks, and walking sticks. And to things we could probably do without, such as sporks, this article, and that crappy Trident Gum commercial where that bitch is stranded on that island, and the gum makes her teeth shine so bright that it attracts a plane to rescue her. That commercial sucks almost as much as this article! Stupid, just stupid.


In conclusion, tridents are awesome and they are bigger and better than you or I. Respect them or face the consequences.

In other news, today (Friday May 4th) is my last day here at C-K. I’ve enjoyed my time with most all of you (all 3 who read this to be sure), and despite the lack of a respectable amount of pay the company here makes it a bit frustrating and difficult to leave. There was a compliment in that previous sentence.

And my last conversation with Sergio will probably incite a rage inside my bowels that will likely lead to a desire to murder adorable babies and puppies, no matter how mine they are, every time I think about it. Seriously, I went from liking him, to going somewhere between loathing and homicidal thoughts, I actively dislike this man. But I digress.

I’ve enjoyed my time with you all and wish you well. If anyone would wish to contact me, my email address is joenudelman@hotmail.com.

Catch y’all on the flip!

-Joe Nudelman