The Very First EADJ State of The Blog Status

Blogger provides a few stats for the remaining blogs that are out there, and we'd like to share with you some of the info we found about Eat A Dick Joel:

Pageviews today: 27

Pageviews last month: 3,385

Pageviews all time history: 507,660

And wanna see the EADJ post that boasts a staggering 17,443 views? Here it is.

Then they show stats of pageviews of individual entries, but not all of them. For obvious reasons a 2008 joke entry about the 4 ladies in that old "Haulin' Ass" poster had a whopping 48 pageviews, mostly from the real disgruntled models, according to the (now deleted) comments.

What countries pageviews originated from is sorta interesting. The second most frequent visitors are Italians? Then from the Ukraine and Russia (maybe hackers trying to influence the next EADJ election)? 

We have two followers as of this writing. 

All this information is lovely but mostly useless about a useless blog. What a time to be alive.

The ProofrEADJer: Almost Thanksgiving Edition

And one from my cousin Melissa:

New Rewards Benefits For AMC Stubs Members

The benefits just keep adding up for both new and existing AMC Stubs cardholders! Here are the latest perks you can enjoy at your next trip to an AMC Theatre:

• We'll rearrange the marquee letters outside to display your Social Security number

• If you don't like a movie, we will supply you with a $1.8 million budget with cast and crew to shoot your own version.

• Free nasty, germy 3D glasses that have probably sat on the head of some brat with lice

• Free refills of Absolut Vodka if you purchase a bottle at the AMC bar

• Trent in the concession stand would love to discuss Sean Hannity with you if you would ever want to discuss Sean Hannity with someone.

• 1/2 off all plot twists and MacGuffins

• If you are caught videotaping a movie in the theatre for illegal distribution, we will simply tut-tut and wag our finger at you.

• Do you like cheese? Because I do, too.

• Your own personalized emergency exit

• Free funeral if you die, but the coffin must be AMC-branded

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto Explains The 7 Ways That Skeletal Muscles Are Named

There are actually 8 main criteria in naming skeletal muscles:

1) Size (gluteus maximus)

2) Shape (trapezius)

3) Orientation of the muscle fibers (rectus abdominis)

4) Mechanical action of the muscles (flexor muscles)

5) Number of origins of a muscle (and yes, muscles can have more than one origin) (biceps, triceps, etc.)

6) The points of origin and insertion (sternocleidomastoid)

7) Name of the muscle function (The risorius is a facial muscle that is crucial for the expressions of smiling and laughter. Risorius comes from the Latin word risus, which means "laugh.")

8) The muscle's location (The temporalis muscle is named after the temporal bone (your temple) on top of which it is located).

And speaking of skeletal, when my limousine drivers and I are short-staffed and running on the barest of skeleton crews, please allow an extra 10 minutes for us rather than canceling and using Uber or Lyft instead. Stay safe, kids!

Fiverr Comes Through Yet Again

You may remember an earlier post about Fiverr, and I considered getting an EADJ brutal death metal logo. Well, here it is.

A brutal death metal logo to go with my Eat A Dick Joel metal scream? Yes please!

And within a few days, I got my glorious EADJ metal logo:

Illegible and definitely not huggable! BRUTAL!

Here Are Your Job Numbers For November 13, 2018

Hello everybody! It's Sam from Sam's Sandwichery downstairs. I cater sandwiches for all your client meetings and whatnot. The CEO asked me to send out the job numbers for this week since she couldn't be in the office today. There will also be sandwiches in the Fish Bowl for you but ONLY AFTER you complete your timesheets for the week. That was the deal. Also, please take only the mayo packets you know you're going to use. Some of you are stealing a bunch of them downstairs, and I don't appreciate it.

Anyway, here are the job numbers you are supposed to use:


360278: Pretending to give a shit how somebody's weekend was

042490: Gazpacho

662755: Reaching for a landline phone that isn't there anymore

821217: Giving it to her good

600003: Checking for testicular cancer in the elevator

474201: Wondering who stole your Han Solo figure

361755: Sneaking that 4K Smart TV past security

825556: Talking about your shitty musical taste with that other cocksucker your age

022192: Reminiscing over you, my god

925944: Stealing mayo packets at Sam's Sandwichery

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Pathmark