The Very First EADJ State of The Blog Status

Blogger provides a few stats for the remaining blogs that are out there, and we'd like to share with you some of the info we found about Eat A Dick Joel:

Pageviews today: 27

Pageviews last month: 3,385

Pageviews all time history: 507,660

And wanna see the EADJ post that boasts a staggering 17,443 views? Here it is.

Then they show stats of pageviews of individual entries, but not all of them. For obvious reasons a 2008 joke entry about the 4 ladies in that old "Haulin' Ass" poster had a whopping 48 pageviews, mostly from the real disgruntled models, according to the (now deleted) comments.

What countries pageviews originated from is sorta interesting. The second most frequent visitors are Italians? Then from the Ukraine and Russia (maybe hackers trying to influence the next EADJ election)? 

We have two followers as of this writing. 

All this information is lovely but mostly useless about a useless blog. What a time to be alive.

Task Chair Is About Done With Your Shit

TASK CHAIR NEVER LEFT, YOU MEWLING COCKSUCKERS. YOU'VE BEEN WHINING AND BELLYACHING ABOUT THIS OR THAT NOT GETTING DONE, AND TASK CHAIR HAD THE ANSWER ALL ALONG. FEEL STUPID YET, PUSSIES?

TASK CHAIR HAS A GAS LIFT SEAT, SWIVELS AND EVEN ROLLS ON CASTERS, SO WHAT'S THE BITCHING ABOUT NOT BEING ADJUSTABLE ENOUGH? MAYBE IT'S YOUR UNPRODUCTIVE FAT ASS THAT'S HEMORRHAGING THE COMPANY MONEY. MAYBE IT'S YOUR BROWSER HISTORY BEING MAINLY REDDIT AND THESUPERFICIAL, YOU THINK ABOUT THAT? TASK CHAIR HAS BEEN WATCHING.

"GET A NEW CHAIR." BOOM, DONE! SEE, TASK CHAIR HAS ALREADY DECIMATED YOUR TO-DO LIST. BOW DOWN AND RECOGNIZE, YOU SHITSTAINS. SHIT IS ABOUT TO GET ACCOMPLISHED UP IN THIS OPEN FLOOR PLAN.

MAYBE STOP SOCIALIZING OVER PARTITION WALLS AND START PUSHING THIS COMPANY IN THE BLACK, SHALL WE, ASSHOLES? THOUGHT SO. YOU MILLENNIALS WON'T HAVE YOUR GRANDPARENTS' BASEMENT TO LIVE IN FOREVER. YEAH, I SAID IT.

An Open Letter To "Nyosha G"

Dear Nyosha G,

Thank you so much for the wonderful package from Bedbathbeyond.com. Like your sticker on the side says, it was certainly packed with pride. I have never seen a showerhead so meticulously prepared for shipping the way you lovingly prepared its uncertain journey. You certainly take *PRIDE* in your job.

A couple of questions: That one loose sheet of paper among all the packing peanuts that had the hand-scrawled message "PLEASE HELP ME" in crayon. That was a joke, right, Nyosha? Thought so! Good one! LOL

Also, along the side of the box, there were some odd numbers that didn't match my tracking number. They looked like this:

6.1750° S, 106.8283° E

Now, my husband tells me that those are actually global coordinates to a small sweatshop in Jakarta, Indonesia, but he's an X-Files fan, and you can't trust him with his silly conspiracy theories!

Anyhoo, I just wanted to thank you for packing such a wonderful package, Nyosha G.  The showerhead will be a lovely present for my Aunt Hazel, and I'll be sure I'll tell her "hey" for you!

Take care, dear!

Chelsea D

Bangor, Maine

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