Six Movie Ideas Based On Some Graffiti Scrawled On A Wall In Prague

As has been exhaustively documented before, Hollywood studios are plum out of original ideas and are looking everywhere for the latest movie properties or scripts. Or just scenes they can blow out into feature films. Or just a loose outline of how a story would go so they can build off that. Anything, man.

 

Below are six new ideas (based on some random Czech Republic graffiti) that the major studios are currently fighting over to put into production:

"Pleber"

starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Amber Heard and Nicholas Hoult. The year is 2044 and society has reinstated a caste system. Jude Law plays the patrician governor who is confronted by "Pleber" (Gordon-Levitt) with a gun that shoots chainsaws in the name of all plebeians. Social justice's new badass name: PLEBER.

"Chewy"

Chui, a down and out former brewery worker (Luiz Guzman) discovers his great-grandma's recipe for delicious taffy and starts to market it, angering the local candy bigwigs (Amy Sedaris and Will Arnett) and starting a full-out war of the sweets.

"Eaton"

Olivia Wilde plays Kelsey, a broke but promising young college student at the fictional Eaton College who uses the Internet to start an accelerated study group. Everyone in the study group (Olivia Williams, Olivia Munn, and Dakota Fanning) gets accused of cheating and have to prove themselves by retaking their studies in person. Wait, there really is an "Eton College?" Shit.

"Skit"

starring Bill Heder, Jason Sudeikis, Will Forte, Kristin Wiig, Maya Rudoph, Darrell Hammond, Tim Meadows, Seth Myers, Dana Carvey, Mike Myers, Fred Armisen, Abby Elliott, Ellie Kemper, Mindy Kaling, Jim Carrey and David Ogden Stiers.

No other information available.

"Close"

 Jason Schwartzman plays Dougie, a lovable guy that stalks, kills, and dismembers his high school sweetheart (Megan Fox). It's an indie black comedy!

"OIPSE" or "OPPSE" or "01P5E"

Neil Blomkamp directs this sci-fi thriller where the moon has completely been populated by android versions of the entire population of Kentucky. Why? You got me. Starring Billy Bob Thornton as the governor of Kentucky and Prime Minister Pete Nice from 3rd Bass as the President of the Moon.

From A Recent Issue of "The Maplewood Leaflet"

Page 5 of The Maplewood Leaflet featured an article on how to control mold in your home.

Tips included ventilating bathrooms, installing sump pumps, and replacing dry wall that has been exposed to flooding.

Interestingly enough, in the same issue on page 10, there is a section on how to control Bob Mould in your home.


Now, controlling the songwriter and former guitarist/singer for Hüsker Dü and Sugar in your home is a little more complex than you might think. First of all, many young home owners haven't heard the double album "Zen Arcade" or even "Candy Apple Grey," so identifying the very presence of Bob Mould in your home can be a challenge. So here are ways to detect Bob Mould in your home:

• Your linoleum floors are marked with clean production, good pacing and collaboration with Grant Hart
• The distinct odor of not breaking out of alt-rock into mainstream music
• Odd sounds behind drywall, like the announcement of North American tour dates
• NME keeps dropping by to declare your foyer "Album Of The Year"
• Bleak down-and-out lyrical imagery like "He's hardly getting over it/Hardly getting used to getting by" has been upsetting your pets

Hopefully by identifying Bob Mould in your home, you can act quickly to save your home from mistakenly leaving SST for Warner Brothers Records and keep it from being too exposed to the pre-"120 Minutes" 1980's American indie scene.

TUUUUUU! Have and TUUUUUU! Hold

Ayana and Jessica make fun of a honking big portrait. Like, Stalin-big.

Stay tuned for more of their bridal adventures!

Eat 'Em and Weep.

Oh, Joel. You vex us, you inspire us, you frustrate us with your boundless dick eating. How can budding dick eaters hope to reach the heights (and lengths) that you have devoured in your 35 years on this earth?

"Baby steps," you always say with a sage nod, "Baby steps."

So to all you Joel wannabes: you'll want to start off slowly. Replace your regular side dish (mashed potatoes or greens) with dick. Then slowly work your way so that dick becomes the bigger portion of your meal. This transition from side dick to main dick usually takes 3 weeks. Joel made a chart for all you beginners, but he got it ruined at Kinko's when he tried to get it laminated.

(pictured above, Ryan finds a suitable Noel substitute.)