Happy Halloween From All of Us at EADJ

We hope you have a great time taking your smaller kids trick or treating at 2pm when it's still light out and another great time giving candy out to teenagers from one town over trick or treating without costumes at 1am.

Highlights From Last Week's VidCon

VidCon has wrapped up another week of content creators and influencers sharing their tips and wisdom to wannabe vloggers and podcasters. Here are a few highlights:

• Jake Paul murdered

• TaffyKappy6 proposed to her girlfriend while both were streaming. She said no!

• Musician ToddPlays tuned his guitar for 20 minutes and then fell asleep

• Gaffo and MudGuard reunited after a 3 year hiatus to prank a baby

• The Instagram model "ho off"

• TikTok star LilBrasstard shows off his A.I. family

• Renowned astrophysicist Burçin Mutlu-Pakdil makes a brief appearance before realizing this is not the TED talk she was scheduled for

UAG

The Answers To Yesterday's Which Can, Cleric's Bun

Did you get them all?

It's Time Once Again To Play Which Can, Cleric's Bun!

Match the toilet to their location below. To make this a little easier, we've included the mug shot of every Trump ally booked on charges in connection with efforts to overturn the 2020 presidential election results in Georgia:

Mark Meadows: Kokkari, San Francisco, CA

Kenneth Chesebro: Medieval Times, Lindhurst, NJ

John Eastman: Board and Brew Cafe, College Park, MD

Jenna Ellis: Museum of Sex, NYC

Sidney Powell: Sugar Loaf, Rio De Janeiro, Brazil

Rudy Giuliani: Bagger Dave's, Detroit, MI

Answers tomorrow!

Dog Park Missed Connections

The following Missed Connections were posted by dogs that visited the Bucks County Core Creek Dog Park in Langhorne, PA:

You: the limping Greyhound

Me: the chubby Pug with the little hat

Hey bro we should hang out LOL you peed like a champ LOL

You: the Weimaraner with the dorky harness

Me: the Setter mix with the gorgeous ass

Your name was Gordo, right? Did you see my ass? It is great. Smell it sometime!

You: the Dachshund with the chip on his shoulder

Me: the friendly Beagle mix

I saw you over by the hoop that no one ever runs through. We should plow.

You: the insufferable Golden Retriever with the BELL on your COLLAR?!

Me: the Havanese still on a leash (my owner's a dick)

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE BEING SO HAPPY AND FRIENDLY TO EVERYONE? SHOW OFF. CALL ME SOMETIME

Info Wars Presents: Conspiracy Theories FOR KIDS

PragerU has launched programs to indoctrinate children with far right beliefs. Not to be outdone, Info Wars is announcing the following conspiracy theories directly to children:

• Your parents are withholding most of your allowance and giving it to illegals

• Slavery was just a bunch of grown ups playing farmer and boss

• What really sank the Titanic? Drag queens.

• McDonald's McFlurries are delicious because they're made with liberal tears

• Krampus is actually Nancy Pelosi

• Fidget Poppers are a gateway to queer poppers

UAG

UPDATE FROM QUORA: Sand is usually not a material that should be used in cat litter because it's more likely to get tracked outside than clumping-type materials, but it also depends on how often your cat uses the litter box.

Whoops!

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To HBO Max This Month

Every so often, HBO Max renews or cancels shows or movies based on viewer preferences. Here now are all the shows that will be added to HBO Max this month:

• The Stand-Up Comedy Stylings of George Will

• Food Network's Au Revoir, Appetite!

• Marie Kondo's Sparking Joy... After Dark

• Reno 9/11

• Jake Gyllenhaal Dials Up Old Girlfriends

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Here are the shows and movies that HBO Max is removing from their lineup this month:

• Ice Trucker Moms

• Rachael Ray Putters Around Her Dirty Garage

• C-SPAN Presents: Janitors Cleaning the House Chamber

• Nia Peeple's Court

• PBS Booty Hoes

Fringe Backdrop

Now Available on the App Store

Ellen's Garden Restoration: Micromanage and yell at all of your employees but be sure to appear friendly and charming whenever the TV cameras come on. BOSS LEVEL: interview and confront Dakota Johnson!

 

All the Movies and Shows Named After Apples in Stop 'N Shop

 

In our spare time, we like to peruse the produce at Stop 'n Shop. When we got to the apples, there was this lovely and sorta helpful sign that showed the names of apples and their place on the sweet/tart continuum.

This got us to thinking, which TV shows and movies have already used some of these apple names?

Here they are, according to our research team:

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto On How To Give a Child a Fade

Parents are learning that cutting their children's hair can save a lot of time and money. Here's a quick guide on how to give your kid an awesome fade:

1) Get your clippers and attach the desired guard. 1 is the shortest and 5 is for longer hair.

2) Run the clipper along the child’s head, starting at the back. Make sure to keep your strokes slow and smooth. 

3) Use a longer guard length to give your child a fade. Start from the nape of the neck, bringing the clipper up towards the bottom of the crown. As you do, bring the clipper towards you in an arc to blend the different lengths together.

4) Brush off your kid and send them to the shower!

And speaking of showers, I once had a bridal party totally wreck my limo with confetti and glitter. Took me a week to vacuum out completely. ASK FIRST, LADIES!

UAG

A Few More Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Seen

"What wacky randomness! I've stumbled into Fiji from this door and ended up in war-torn Serbia in that one!"

"Hey kid, just because your dad is a world famous actor and has a producer credit on this movie doesn't mean you can't put in the work."

"You want to fight me? Bringeth it on!"

"Let us doeth this!"

"If you boys want to survive, you're going to have to do as I say. You, track down the hunter who's following us and murder him, and you, go get me a deep dish pizza. Got it?"

"Is it payday yet?"

"No."

"DAMMIT! I hate March!"

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

All The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Netflix This Month

Every so often, Netflix renews or cancels shows or movies based on studio bribes viewer preferences. Here now are all the shows that will be added to Netflix this month:

• Small Wonder: The CG Reboot

• How Sausage Is Made: The Musical

• North Korea Pranks

• One and a Half Men and a Cocaine Fiend

• Jamie Oliver Cries Looking at a McRib

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Here are the shows and movies that Netflix is removing from their lineup this month:

• Dexter's Meth Laboratory

• John Leguizamo Tries To Be Quiet for 5 Minutes

• Battle of the Smashmouth Cover Bands

• I Hate You, starring Katherine Heigl

• Steven Seagal Runs/Eats a Golden Corral

Time To Say Goodbye To Stuff Again. *Sigh*

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! 

UAG

Some of the AMC Stubs Perks Being Discontinued

Unfortunately, sometimes AMC is forced to end some of the benefits and rewards in its ever growing program. Here are a few of the perks that will no longer be offered to members:

• No more foam parties in the projection room

• The health department has forced the end of Butthole Nachos

• No Friday Film Fireworks 

• Spicy oatmeal with cigarette butts will only be sold in matinees

• No more racism warnings from our loud Chinese mascot

• From now on, our free backrubs will be unenthusiastic

• No more ticket refunds unless you really, really, really didn't like the movie

This Week In Chicago Whatever

 The following are episode synopses for this week:

Chicago P.D.

Forensic analyst Barrows loses his favorite pen in one of the bodies. Hockney comes back from City Hall to gloat about how easy the job of bailiff is. Chief Wilson is outraged that someone booted his car as a prank.

Chicago Med

Chief Surgeon Manacle explains his fear of ferrets. Manuel and Diandra do it in the supply closet, contaminating all of the latex gloves. A patient explodes into millions of spiders.

Chicago Fire

Everyone goes to Mr. Beef for lunch and has a great time. (special 2 hour episode)

The Grammys!

This Friday, CBS presents the 408th Annual Grammys, celebrating the best in music for 2023-2024. 

featuring performances by:

Hogsweat

Spumani Pedi

Tweeparty

G9RV8

Craigslist Meetup '94

Bruh

Izzy Dedd and Lil' Thyroid

Hoo Gotcha (ft. SPAMenoid)