This Week In Chicago Whatever

 The following are episode synopses for this week:

Chicago P.D.

Forensic analyst Barrows loses his favorite pen in one of the bodies. Hockney comes back from City Hall to gloat about how easy the job of bailiff is. Chief Wilson is outraged that someone booted his car as a prank.

Chicago Med

Chief Surgeon Manacle explains his fear of ferrets. Manuel and Diandra do it in the supply closet, contaminating all of the latex gloves. A patient explodes into millions of spiders.

Chicago Fire

Everyone goes to Mr. Beef for lunch and has a great time. (special 2 hour episode)

"I Can't Find You. Where'd You Say You Were Again?"

Today's Daily Sponsor Of The Day

Today's Daily Sponsor Of The Day is Turkey Perky Jerky.

Are you sick of regular jerky that leaves you blah, without any pick-me-ups or power-ups? Does you jerky just sit there and not give you a kick in the pants, like you deserve, you lazy dog? Well, stop looking, because now there's Perky Jerky! It'll perk you right the fuck up!™

Now, what makes Perky Jerky so perky? Does it contain caffeine, giving you that extra edge you need during your day? No. Then why did you call it Perky Jerky, then, asshole? Because it's a snappy name, cocksucker. But why didn't you leave that name for a jerky with caffeine to use, dipshit? Well, you shitbird, we as a company have a right to use that name, because we thought of it first.

Does Perky Jerky come in any other flavors besides turkey? Yes, but what fun would that be? We do happen to offer Beef Perky Jerky, but that is not fun to say at all.

Turkey Perky Jerky. A family company.™

That Jerky is NOT Jewish.

I opened some low-fat jerky yesterday and realized I was about to turn into Joel:

Eat This, Joel

(pictured above, the Unfortunate Logo of the Month: Jack Link doesn't realize his logo looks like a naked black dude from the waist down)