It Hasn't Been A Full Month, And Already It's Time Again To Say Goodbye To All The Shit That Advertisers Want You To Say Goodbye To

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Bye bye!

The EADJ Pun Police: Roman Praetorian Guard Edition

"Fellow Praetorian Guards of glorious Rome. It is our task and vow to protect the Emperor from any and all puns or wordplay. Vigilance shall be our duty to the empire."

"Jesus Shoe Repair is mocking how we crucified that man a few weeks ago. TO THE LIONS WITH THIS STREET COBBLER!"

"Oh, I thought the wordplay was in 'seedy', like somehow it had to do with seeds and water, which confused me. But I see it has to do with the plumbing JOINTS, which isn't an enjoyable pun by any stretch of the imagination! TO THE LIONS WITH THEM!"

"'You may be entitled to condensation.' Never mind the lions- I'll slay this one with a sword myself."

"GREAT CAESAR'S GHOST! PROTECT CAESAR FROM THIS PUN BEFORE HE BECOMES AN ACTUAL GHOST! WHY DID I EVEN USE THAT EXPRESSION? IT'S A TOTAL ANACHRONISM!"

Hey, Bladder Medication Users!

Hello there! I just wanted to give a shout out to all bladder medication users. Not that I have anything to sell or promote to them (isn't it nice not to be advertised to for once?). And not that I myself am taking any medication for my bladder. I just wanted to say hello to all of you, a specific group of people for no reason. Wassup?

We actually don't have to talk about your respective bladders. Although I imagine since all of you have that in common, it would make for a pretty lively discussion, amirite? Ha ha. But yeah, sometimes it isn't a laughing matter and some bladder issues are pretty serious. Sometimes fatal. Okay, I'm sorry I brought it up.

So what are we left to talk about if not bladder medications or living with bladder issues? Certainly not politics, jeez. Stay far away from that minefield. 

Okay, good talk, bladder medication peeps. Catch you all on the flip side!

The ProofrEADJer: Late May Edition

Today We Asked A Man With His Head Squeezed Between A Woman's Thighs To Explain The Coronavirus

"Oh, that's a great one. And so timely! The disease is actually called COVID-19 and is caused by a coronavirus called SARS-CoV-2. Older adults and people who have severe underlying medical conditions like heart or lung disease or diabetes seem to be at higher risk for developing more serious complications from COVID-19 illness. There are as yet no vaccines or antiviral drugs to prevent or treat human coronavirus infections. I'm glad you asked!"

"Wait, I managed to explain the whole thing without these two thighs interru..." *NECK SNAPS*

UAG

Twitter's Least Used Hashtags: Global Pandemic Edition

These are the least used hashtags used on Twitter these days. So go ahead and use them at your discretion:

#togetherness

#freekissingbooth

#officeopenfloorplan

#latexglovehandjive

#latexglovehandjob

#americacanbeatthiswithprayer

#sushichefswithamildcoughit'snothing

#handsacrossAmericaforthecure

#cripplingdepressionoverthiswholethingactuallyfeelsprettygood

More Unsolicited Taglines For A Bad Canadian Horror Movie Nobody Saw

Some More New Documentaries To Watch On The Documentaries Channel

Here are a few featured documentaries that you can now stream on the Documentaries Channel. This is so exciting that someone should make a documentary of it:

• Garlicish: Why Some Things That Aren't Garlic Smell Like Garlic

• Heeeey, We Want Some 2 Live Crew Documentary!

• Not Speaking To You: The Silent Weapon Girlfriends Use

• The History of Pliers: Ancient Times to the 1970s

• A Terrible Industrial Training Video With Narration To Look Like a Documentary

• The Austrian Politics of Geese Husbandry

• Guys Who Almost Played in U2 But Got a Pretty Good Paying Job at the Time

• I HATE YOU: Toddlers Sound Off

• Women! (either the empowering rights documentary or the misogynistic one that complains about them)

Campus Life, Continued

Last Friday, we dunked on Pocket Gems's mobile game Campus Life because it depicted women on campus doing nothing but partying and shopping and dating without a single book or even paper in sight. But turns out we were making fun of screenshots from the 2013 version of the game, which might be a little unfair. So here now we compare the splash page from days of 2013 yore to that of today's, taken from the Android app page on Amazon:

HOLY SHIT. The difference is breathtaking, really. That pink balloon over by the bookshelves(LOL!) on the right has drifted in 7 years over to above the computer. It's hard to tell if it's even the same app anymore!

EADJ Fun Activity Corner

Look at all the screenshots for the mobile game Campus Life and try to find a single picture of a fucking book. Bet you can't!

Screenshots are dated 2013. I can't believe I waited 7 years to post this shit.