The ProofrEADJer: Early December Edition

More Unsolicited Taglines For A Bad Canadian Horror Movie Nobody Saw

Female Hormones and Their Effect On Craftmaking

Delusional behavior sometimes happens to women during pregnancy. The process of bringing life to the world is often accompanied by unexpected complications and imbalance. The woman goes through a series of physical and hormonal changes during this period which are often accompanied by erratic behavior and the desire to make a mold of their distended abdomen for craft purposes. This tendency is known as "belly casting,' and often occurs in towns that have one of those "paint your own pottery on a really shitty date" places.

Many women experience belly casting during menstrual periods, but the intensity of belly casting during pregnancy and its implications are far greater. The remedies for these attacks are simple, and if applied at the right time in the right way, they can fend off regrettable damage to the mother's and child's home decor.

The causes of belly casting during pregnancy are numerous. The feeling of insecurity and the fear of unknown pains and procedures grip the mind of the women on most of the occasions; moreover, the hormonal changes occur at a very fast pace. Medicine also causes side effects, and as result, the level of taste of a pregnant woman becomes very compromised. How else can a household explain having a misshapen multi-colored papier-mâché eyesore with "Colton" written on it on the dining room table?

The first and the most basic way to treat potential belly casting is to remove all yarn, craft scissors, glitter blue and googly eyes from your pregnant wife's sight. Secondly, the woman should be provided with proper activities like doing hard drugs to prevent any possible craftmaking or scrapbooking. Amen.

Eat A Dick Joel: Special Teacher's Edition

(Note: This is a special guide to help educators explain in more detail the life and travails of Joel Thomas to their students. This is not an instructional guide on how to eat dick.)

Students often ask "Why does Joel eat dick?" Instead of ignoring this obvious question or punishing them, you should let them figure it out for themselves. Answer them with questions of your own: "Why shouldn't Joel eat dick?" "What is the symbolic connection between Joel and dick?" "What about Joel can we identify with?" "Who's making farting noises near the radiator? Is it you, Peter?"

Also, workbooks are helpful in developing a student's understanding of dick being eaten by Joel. By involving them in activities, essays, and pictograms, by the end of 8 weeks most 3rd graders can grasp the concept of Joel chugging huge amounts of ding dong and can probably write "Eat a dick, Joel" in cursive.

Answers for section 2 of the workbooks:

1. Yes
2. Yes.
3. Four.
4. Dick.
5. 225 North Michigan, 24th Floor, Chicago, IL 60601, Attn: Brad Harvey
6. The letters C, U, and N.
7. Frederick Douglass
8. Chris Klein dressed like a pizza.
9. Fangoria Magazine, Vol. 4, Issue 8

(pictured above, the exact amount of Indian food that Scott Wild can eat without spraying the bowl in orange.)