The worldwide pandemic and country-wide quarantines have caused a massive drop in business for movie theaters, including AMC. In order to encourage people to risk infection and patronize their theaters, AMC has granted FREE membership of the Stubs Rewards card to anyone who comes in or even walks by the building. Here are the ADJUSTED free perks that now come with the Stubs membership card:
• Free 2020 Land Rover Discovery or Discovery Sport (you choose the color)
• Free air* *may be infected with coronavirus
• WE WILL LEAVE YOU ALONE FOR 2.5 HOURS
• Free passes to the next 500 movies oh god please stay
• Contactless back massages
• If you pull your dick out we won't tell. Nobody's here!
• If you are Harvey Weinstein, sorry we can't let you in. We do still have our standards.
• Plastic wrapped straws for safe drinking although the soda machine is filthy
• We promise not to show the movies "Virus", "Outbreak", "Contagion", or "28 Days Later"
• You can run the place from now on. Go ahead. We're outta here!
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