Some Bad But Available Porn Names

Welcome to the set, hot shot! Ready to film your first porno film? Great. I'm sure Terri got you all the tax and insurance forms to sight, right? Oh, and there's one more thing before we begin filming. You'll need to either come up with or pick out your own porn name. Here's a Pabst Blue Ribbon ashtray full of unused porn names which you're welcome to, but beware– they're pretty bad:

Him

Kirk O. Vin

Dick Engvalls

P. Mature Ejaculation

Joe Nevernude

Russ Undressing

Chui Balls

Her

Miss Cegenation

Ava Lanche

Bleached Dubois

Peaches Crematorium

Catherine Ummethyne Dumpster

Today We Asked A Man With His Head Squeezed Between A Woman's Thighs To Explain The Coronavirus

"Oh, that's a great one. And so timely! The disease is actually called COVID-19 and is caused by a coronavirus called SARS-CoV-2. Older adults and people who have severe underlying medical conditions like heart or lung disease or diabetes seem to be at higher risk for developing more serious complications from COVID-19 illness. There are as yet no vaccines or antiviral drugs to prevent or treat human coronavirus infections. I'm glad you asked!"

"Wait, I managed to explain the whole thing without these two thighs interru..." *NECK SNAPS*

“The Reason Birds Can Fly and We Can't Is Simply Because They Have Perfect Faith, For To Have Faith Is To Have Pathmark."

Multiple bread loaf edition!

Bread!

Bread!

Bread!

Some Year-End Benefits For AMC Stubs Rewards Members

AMC is making moviegoing fun for the end of 2018! Here are the latest perks and pluses you can look forward to as a holder of the AMC Stubs Rewards card!

• Free 14" popcorn ball for adults

• Free refill of nasty vanilla Diet Coke

• A free pre-worn pair of velvet Stubs slippers for your feet that you'll have to return once you've finished the movie. You can't keep them.

• Free fart quilt

• Special pair of 5D glasses that let you see every frame of the movie at once from all angles

• A nice, special seat to park that fine ass of yours– whooooo girl

• Free collabo track with either Pitbull or Sia (your choice)

• Special headset for the attention-span-impaired that yells the plot of the movie in your ears

• Cabbage

• Free endangered giraffe semen for virility and energy (China AMCs only)

• If you're too tired to drive home after the movie, we will FedEx you

UAG

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

EADJ's Mission To Spot All Of The Avengers On The Subway, Volume 1:Issue 3

Hey there, true believers! After having rounded up most of the Avengers in previous sightings, the Agents of E.A.D.J. have just confirmed the sighting of the Norse God of Thunder himself, hailing from Asgard, Thor Odinson! Thor was spotted on the 42nd Street subway stop on the 3 line just this morning.

THOR

As the Norse god of thunder, Thor can summon the elements of the storm (lightning; rain; wind; snow) and uses his mighty hammer Mjolnir as a tool to focus this ability. This morning, however, the inclement weather he conjured up delayed the train he was waiting for. So it was mostly his fault.

Here Thor is waiting for the train, sporting his trademark blond locks.

Wielding his mighty pen Mjolnir, Thor bravely attempts to tame an "Expert" level Sudoku as the train finally arrives. (When Thor has to transport companions and/or objects to a destination by himself, he has a chariot drawn by two huge mystical goats called Toothgnasher and Toothgrinder that can fly nearly anywhere he desires. Today both goats were busy.)

Stay tuned to this blog as we continue to scour the NYC subway system for Captain America and Nick Fury, the two remaining holdouts for "Earth's Mightiest Heroes!"