UAG

Today We Asked A Man With His Head Squeezed Between A Woman's Thighs To Explain The Concept of "Once Removed" With Relatives

Good question. The words "once removed..."ACK...  mean that... hey... ow... there is a difference of *gag* one generation. For example, your mo... *gasp* your mo... choke... your mother's first cousin is your first cousin, once removed. Oh no. Please... *HACK* You are two generations younger than... *gulp* a first cousin of your grandmother, so... Jesus... you and your grandmother's first cousin... ow ow ow ow ow... are first cousins, twice removed... *neck breaks, dies*

Pathmark: Ultra-Rare 'Nothing Out Of Place' Edition

Love Me Pathmark, Love Me True, Never Let Me Go

These tampons were amongst the "plug ins":

Wanting, Needing, Waiting, For You To Justify My Pathmark

Smecial Dreams Entry

From John Reid:

And three from Andrew Gall:

There's lots of Megan this time around.

A New Jersey Mystery

Ever since I've taken the NJ Transit train to New York, out the window I've noticed workers out in the swampy area around Secaucus. But instead of clearing the marsh area or dumping toxic waste like normal people, they've been laying down hundreds of wooden palettes. In the middle of bumfuck nowhere.


And when I say "nowhere," you have to understand, there's nothing but dry cattails and knee-deep mud in this entire area. Why these workers would haul a bunch of equipment and supermarket palettes out there is an annoying mystery to me.



I know what you're going to say: "maybe they're filling up the deep water with the palettes to help minimize soil erosion so that they can eventually build a high-end shopping plaza on top of that area with a nail salon that doesn't tear the shit out of your cuticles when they push them with their sharp little nail tool."

Right. But why would they do it so shittily and haphazardly like that? Are they just laying a few at a time as a little engineering experiment? Again, it would be a shitty and haphazard experiment.


It's certainly not meant to be a secret dumping ground, because they're obviously doing it in open view of thousands of train commuters.


In "Fraggle Rock," there was a little race of builders called "Doozers" that built little bridges and scaffolding for no apparent reason. The big difference being, Doozers worked in dark, cramped quarters underground, and these New Jersey workers are working in New Jersey. Pause for laughter.


I had taken it upon myself to name several of the structures:

"The Partial Trail"
"The Partial Dock"
"Ugly Stack"
"Wooden Line"
"Scheherazade"
"L-Shaped Half-Assed Project"



And just as baffling as the building of these structures is the fact that they've also been dismantled without ceremony or explanation. You have to wonder if this is all some corrupt Superfund project– millions of your tax dollars being spent on two guys playing dominos with gigantic wood palettes in a swamp.

Bonus Video

Video: That Chinese CGI recreation of the Tiger Woods car accident that's all over the Internet.

Audio: My parents and J'Net discussing the Tiger Woods car accident from a previous entry.

Oh My Shit. ‡‡‡‡BREAKING SFVOSP NEWS!!!!‡‡‡‡

Last night, at exactly 7:43 pm, Emily Sander and Emily Kane spotted the Shorter, Fatter Version of Scott Peterson!

"It was so amazing," Emily Sander texted, "Kane and I passed him on Michigan and then ran him down."

Sander and Kane's encounter has ended weeks of feverish speculation that Mister Wood had left his job at Adminastar Federal on the 22nd floor to pursue a career in fashion design or catty celebrity blogging. His last spotting was on Sept 25 by Phil Flicklicker.

This marks the first time in EADJ history that TWO people have spotted him together! The photograph above is only icing on the shorter, fatter cake. EADJ has seen fit to award both Emilies the coveted Platinum Mollusk Award for this watershed moment. Emily Sander's name has also been added to the list at the bottom of this page, under the shitty dartboard game.

Meanwhile, poor Vince has never seen the SFVOSP. Somebody help him!

Dick To the Future

An unconfirmed source has leaked that Joel was unceremoniously dropped as spokesman for Glide Comfort Plus Dental Floss.

Representatives and lawyers from Crest Corporation held a conference at a Chili's Express in Audobon, New Jersey.

"Joel has been an exemplary figurehead for getting big chunks of meat from between his teeth," said attorney Myron Noodleman, "Glide Comfort Plus has been lucky to have his services for the last 8 months, but we feel that we're being pigeonholed as purely a dick floss due to the association with Joel."

Crest has opted to honor the contract with Joel and pay him the twelve crates of dick without him having to film any more commercials or make any more appearances at malls.

Joel has since started negotiations with a local toothpick company, Woodflickers.

(pictured above, through the magic of modern technology– and with a little help from MIS– Dean picks boogers from 700 miles away)