Burning Questions For the Lady in the "Find a Soulmate From Philippines" Banner Ad

1) Are you okay?

2) No, seriously, you look very uncomfortable sitting like that.

3) Does it hurt to sit square on that chair? Do you have hemorrhoids? 

4) Perhaps the chair itself is too hard. Do you need a cushion or one of those inflatable donuts?

5) You seem like you're waiting for someone. Perhaps your proctologist?

6) If you're not waiting for someone else, would it be okay if I took that extra chair? Thanks.

In The Next Issue of THE KNITTER

• Knitting vs. Fucking- No Contest

• Rib Stitch vs. Seed Stitch: The Decades Old Rivalry Heats Up

• Why Are You Reading This When You Could Be Knitting?

• How The Basket Stitch Pattern For Beginners is Promoting Communism

• Kanye Doesn't Knit: Just Another Reason To Hate Him

• How "Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker" Ruined The Entire Saga

• Why REAL Knitters Use Circular Knitting Needles

• Fuck You, Knit Me

• How Bruce Springsteen and The Entire E Street Band Took Up Knitting On The Road and Really Learned To Love The Craft, Arguably Even More Than Making Music Which They Would Never Admit

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Hulu This Month

Contract negotiations with various studios are over, and here are the latest shows and movies that will be added to Hulu:

• How To Cook Crepes Like a Fucking Champion

• What's On Netflix

• Ugh, You're Wearing *That?*: The Fashion Makeover Show

• Ping Me That You Love Me

• Drop It Like It Will Indict You

• Talking Talking Dead: The Show Where We Recap The Last "Talking Dead" Recap Show

And here are the latest shows and movies that will be removed from Hulu:

• SONOFABITCH!: The Amateur DIY Fix-it Show

• Model UN Paintball

• Pranking Fire Departments

• Scrolling list of everyone's Social Security Numbers

• Virtual Speed Date Rejections

• That's My Dick, Actually

• Gone Are Rhea

The Following Entry Was Brought To You By "Pathmarkour," The New Free Running Sport That Takes Place Exclusively In Pathmark Stores!

This submitted by Andrew:

An open pregnancy test? Uh oh, somebody.

Barbara Walters Interviews Broccoli Farts

The following is a transcript of an interview Barbara Walters had earlier this year with Broccoli Farts, courtesy of "20/20:"

Barbara Walters: Thank you for taking the time to sit down with me. I know you're busy.

Broccoli Farts: My pleasure.


Barbara Walters: I understand that you are the gastrointestinal result of eating either raw or cooked broccoli– is that correct?

Broccoli Farts: Yes. It doesn't really matter what state the broccoli is in when you eat it. I'm there either way, although some will still tell you that I am more intense after a meal of raw broccoli, like in a salad. And even though I've gotten a lot of media coverage lately, I just wanted to say that I've been around for a long time before all this hype.

Barbara Walters: Hm.

Broccoli Farts: BRAAAAAAAPPPP!

Barbara Walters: So was that cooked?

Broccoli Farts: I forget. I think so.



Barbara Walters: Tell me about your home life. Is there a Mrs. Broccoli Farts?

Broccoli Farts: No, not yet. (laughs) I'm still trying to find the right girl. I mean, obviously in my line of work, it's pretty hard to meet someone. No, I have two male roommates in a 2-bedroom apartment. Josh and I each have a bedroom, and Yamir sleeps on a futon over by the television in the main room.

Barbara Walters: Yamir?

Broccoli Farts: BBBBRRAAAHHHHHRRRFFFF! I'm sorry, excuse me?

Barbara Walters: Your roommate Yamir?

Broccoli Farts: Yes, he's from India. He's an exchange student, going to the School of Visual Arts for graphic design, I believe.

Barbara Walters: You have been called a "rebel," a "rapscallion," and "someone I don't want around my dinner table." How do you respond to those charges?

Broccoli Farts: Everyone's entitled to their opinion of me. The fact is, I'm there whether you want me there or not. I'll loudly enter a room mid-story, or I can quietly sneak in if someone leans to the side in their chair. I have my ways of showing up, regardless how high-falutin the occasion is. (smiles)

Barbara Walters: It strikes me that you're so much more pleasant than people make you out to be.

Broccoli Farts: I don't know about that, Barbara. Maybe you're just catching me on a good day! There have been times that I've caused headaches, nausea and even the occasional botched bris.

Barbara Walters: Bris? As in the circumcision ceremony?



Broccoli Farts: FRRRRAHHHHRRRRAHHHHBBAAARRAAAAAHHHH! See? That was a bad one.


Barbara Walters: Thank you for talking to us, Broccoli Farts.

Smecial Dreams Entry (Because You've Been Good And Deserve It)

From me:




From Andrew:




From Barb:



From Tom: