Tuesday, August 4, 2015

It's Finally Here: The EADJ Crappinema Proudly Presents "Route 30," starring Dana Delany and Curtis Armstrong

Almost a full YEAR after we announced that the EADJ Crappinema review of "Route 30" was "coming soon," we finally have a misguided, unfocused write-up of this keen, critically acclaimed film. Well fuck, what have YOU done in a year's time? Asshole.

The following is verbatim dialogue from this scene:

June: Ned! Ned, sweetie, come on! It'll be fun!

Ned: No, June! And we're out of beer!
June: I have it all set up! We can pretend it's not even in the room!

Ned: What are you talking about?
June: I swear to God, Ned. Stop being such a pussy and get up here so I can suck your cock on the video!

 Ned: Are you retarded?
 June: It's for my business. It's what I want, goddammit.

Ned: I told you, I am not doing that shit on camera, for nobody. And I'm sick of saying it.

June: Well if you're going to get in the way of our future, then I'm just going to have to find someone else to do my videos with.

Ned: What?

Okay, we're going to break format here and reveal an EADJ Crappinema first. In previous entries, we've highlighted some godawful acting performances, snarkily naming them "THE GREATEST PERFORMANCE OF ALL TIME" (See the "My Boys Are Good Boys" entry). But this time, we have to give kudos to veteran actor Dana Delany for a heartfelt and deeply moving scene where she plays Amish Martha, a young woman dealing with having desires and ambitions in her restrictive life.

Watch this shit:

Overall grade: F

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