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Cement Bird, as you may remember, can only communicate via shitty email FWDs:

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Ramblings of a Retired Mind

• I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse.  I can’t afford one.  So, I’m  wearing my garage door opener.
• I also made a cover for my  hearing aid and now I have what they call blue teeth, I think.
• You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn’t like me anyway.
• I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!
• I thought about  making a fitness movie for folks my age, and call it ‘Pumping Rust’.
• I’ve gotten that dreaded furniture disease.  That’s when your chest is falling into your drawers!
• When people see a cat’s litter box, they always say, ‘Oh, have you got a cat?’  Just once I want to say, ‘No, it’s for company!’
• Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency.  I think you should write, ‘A Good Doctor’!
• I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older.  Then, it dawned on me.  They were cramming for their finals.
• As for me, I’m just hoping God grades on the curve.
• Enjoy Your Days  & Love Your Life, Because Life is a journey to be savored.
• Gentle Thoughts for  Today -
• Birds of a feather  flock together . . . .and  then poop on your car.
• A penny saved is a government oversight.
• The older you get,  the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
• The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
• He who hesitates is probably right.
• Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.
• If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
• The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble..
• Did you ever notice:  When you put the 2 words ‘The’ and ‘IRS’ together it spells ‘Theirs…’
• Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
• Some people try to turn back their odometers.  Not me, I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way.  I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.
• When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think of Algebra.
• One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.  Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
• Lord, Keep your arm  around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth .
• . … AMEN

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