Here Are Your Job Numbers For The Week of Sept. 5 - Sept. 9

----- Forwarded Message -----
From: Tim Ortegas <tortegas@67media.com>
To: All <Allstaff@67media.com> 
Sent: Wednesday, September 7, 2022 9:13 AM
Subject: Zoom Etiquette / Job Numbers

Good morning everyone.

Just a quick note that if you're having a zoom call with clients, YOU MUST HAVE YOUR CAMERA ON. The client does not want to have a conversation with a thumbnail of a shocked Pikachu. They've told me as much.

Anyways, here are the job numbers for doing timesheets this week. Please submit by EOD Friday!

#955693 - Blending the contours

#223974 - Hiding the bodies

#808912 - Replacing Terrence Howard as Rhodey

#255305 - Promoting your stupid podcast

#930056 - Arguing with concert security

#503621 - Destroying the timeline

#141102 - Garden walk bullshit

Feature Film Ideas Based On Items On The Side of a Cheesecake Box

The eight major film studios are struggling to find new original content to compete with the Netflix juggernaut. Having mined almost every intellectual property already, they have now turned to the next logical step: the side of a cheesecake box in my fridge. Here now are the greenlit projects currently in development:

"Blackout" starring Terrence Howard, Emil Hirsch and Viola Davis. A citywide power outage heightens racial tensions during a protest. Directed by Spike Lee unless he says he already did this.

"Fudge Rum" starring Donald Glover, Rashida Jones and Jane Lynch. This tongue-in-cheek pirate adventure stars two competing pirate clans who discover identical treasure maps at a government official's funeral. Also starring Paul Rudd as Dawonga the Smuggler.

"German" directed by Werner Herzog. German actors Daniel Brühl, Christoph Waltz, Michael Fassbender, Diane Kruger, Gitta Schweighöfer and Franka Potente share a bratwurst and some steins of beer whilst talking about Klaus Kinski and "laughing" about German subjects of their choosing. Very talky.

"OUTRAGE" starring Aaron Paul, Julia Garner, and Jaime Pressley. A white trash couple goes on a robbin' spree in the nearby richie town and gets chased by every state trooper and fed that gets wind of their antics. Starring John C. Reilly as the Governor and Jaime Pressley as his rebellious daughter Kee.

"Truffle" featuring the voices of Horatio Sanz, Jeri Ryan, Michael Ealy, and Stormy Daniels. This DreamWorks animated film follows a sad truffle pig (Sanz) who discovers a magical hallucinogenic truffle that transports him the fuck to some fantastic new bullshit world or whatever. Songs by AJR and score by Danny Elfman.

♪ We're Far From The Pathmark Now ♪

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

Step right up, three tries for a dollar! Drop a rose petal in the cleavage, win a giant teddy bear!

The real reason the Swedish Chef had "real" hands.

There was a time that Ice Cube could give good "hard" look. Now he just looks constipated.

And Joel Ortiz is in the stall right next to Cube.

Shut Da F Up & Pay the Album Cover Artist the Five Dollas Already

You might want to consider changing your name these days. "Rebel Soul" doesn't fly in many communities. 

When making a wish, Scotty ATL wasn't specific enough about what "island" he wanted to relax on.

Dude. Those nails are BEYOND DISGUSTING. I don't care how much gold you can afford–I am NOT sharing my popcorn with you, Trinidad James.

I wish I could remotely open that sunroof and make him disappear.

Neat. Way to reference a 24 year old movie.

I Think This Counts As A "Turkey."

Picture above, a very rare photo taken on the NJ Transit train: 3 people in a row reading PRINTED BOOKS.