More Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Watched

"You know, if you want to make money, you gotta bluhbuh muhmuhm gruh suhmuhsuh."

"🍆💦🍑?"

"Why aren't you listening to me?"

"Why aren't you listening to me?"

"Why aren't you listening to me?"

"Dammit, Sophia, all the rouge in the world isn't going to add color to your face!"

"I risked it all for you. Now I have you. But I don't have it all anymore."

"Throw me the dagger! The beaver is eating me!"

"My people are sending your people the best holiday wishes. We should schedule some intercourse."

Some New Movie Ideas Based On Subway Sandwich Names

Having used up every last comic book source material for a blockbuster movie script, the script writers of all the major studios have turned to the next logical resource: the menu at Subway. Here now are the latest greenlit projects movie fans can look forward to next year:

The Philly, The Outlaw, and The Monster

This hardboiled trilogy directed by Alfonso Gomez-Rejon begins a desperate young burglar (Keke Palmer) in Philadelphia who joins forces with a crime boss (Tyler Perry) to take down a serial killer (Kevin Bacon) who's been targeting criminals.

"Supreme Meats" starring Billy Eichner and Mos Def

This musical comedy follows two employees at Tyson Foods who quit their job to make music in a nearby warehouse, much to the chagrin of their former boss (Eva Longoria).

"The Great Garlic" produced by Robert Zemeckis

This CG animated adventure takes place entirely in the pantry of a food vlogger features the voice talents of T.I., Rebel Wilson, Anna Faris, Steve Carell, and Michael B. Jordan. Also featuring Florence Pugh as the voice of Balsamic Vinegar.

"Turkey Cali Club" starring Jonah Hill, Jurnee Smollett, Jay Pharaoh and Pete Davidson

The Long Beach dance club scene gets a much needed boost when some young entrepreneurs buy every club on Pine Avenue to form one giant club. Tim Heidecker plays the police officer responding to a noise complaint every fifteen minutes.

Feature Film Ideas Based On Items On The Side of a Cheesecake Box

The eight major film studios are struggling to find new original content to compete with the Netflix juggernaut. Having mined almost every intellectual property already, they have now turned to the next logical step: the side of a cheesecake box in my fridge. Here now are the greenlit projects currently in development:

"Blackout" starring Terrence Howard, Emil Hirsch and Viola Davis. A citywide power outage heightens racial tensions during a protest. Directed by Spike Lee unless he says he already did this.

"Fudge Rum" starring Donald Glover, Rashida Jones and Jane Lynch. This tongue-in-cheek pirate adventure stars two competing pirate clans who discover identical treasure maps at a government official's funeral. Also starring Paul Rudd as Dawonga the Smuggler.

"German" directed by Werner Herzog. German actors Daniel Brühl, Christoph Waltz, Michael Fassbender, Diane Kruger, Gitta Schweighöfer and Franka Potente share a bratwurst and some steins of beer whilst talking about Klaus Kinski and "laughing" about German subjects of their choosing. Very talky.

"OUTRAGE" starring Aaron Paul, Julia Garner, and Jaime Pressley. A white trash couple goes on a robbin' spree in the nearby richie town and gets chased by every state trooper and fed that gets wind of their antics. Starring John C. Reilly as the Governor and Jaime Pressley as his rebellious daughter Kee.

"Truffle" featuring the voices of Horatio Sanz, Jeri Ryan, Michael Ealy, and Stormy Daniels. This DreamWorks animated film follows a sad truffle pig (Sanz) who discovers a magical hallucinogenic truffle that transports him the fuck to some fantastic new bullshit world or whatever. Songs by AJR and score by Danny Elfman.

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