Here Are Your Job Numbers For Timesheets, Week of 8/9/19

>> Hello. This is Betty, your office's new AI reception bot. Hello!

>> As this is FRIDAY, AUGUST 9, it is now time to start filling in your timesheets. 

>> Enclosed is a list of the job numbers you are REQUIRED to use to submit. Did you know you can tell a lot about an elephant by looking at their tusks! Elephant tusks never stop growing, so enormous tusks can be a sign of an old elephant!

>> Fill in your TIMESHEETS. It's going to be a great day!

48881- Rationing insulin

94193- Pulling too soon on the grocery receipt printer so it breaks

08124- Blaming domestic violence on Punch 'n Judy puppet shows

31992- Putting Threepio back together

64922- Hitting a homer for the kid in the hospital

64923- Hitting a grounder for the less-deserving kid in the hospital

64924- Hitting a sinker for the uninsured kid

54656- Playing through

64925- Striking out for the kid who was faking their injuries

32208- Blaming it on the rain

57355- Taking your date to the Redbox for a movie

84403- Making up a job number and hoping it works

01999- Party like it's

Here Are Your Job Numbers For May 29

Doods and doodettes!

Mark from the mail room here. Some uppity upper ups have deputized me to remind (translation: nag) you fine folks to complete and submit your timesheets by 5pm today, otherwise Accounting can't  do their job of billing our clients and then WE don't get pizzaid!

So do your due doo-doo and help us HELP YOU!!!!

<3 mark="" p="">

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67982: Sending out sausage fest invites

49995: Collecting most but not all of the Infinity Stones

24133: Remembering your myspace password

04032: Telling the difference between Gleep and Gloop from the Herculoids

88210: Eating the cheese out of a "crackers and cheese' snack pack like it's cunnilingus

95255: Forgetting your troubles for a while

58243: Keeping the damn blanket on the streaker

08310: Ignoring Mark from the mail room (Hey!)

44812: Explaining the entire Resident Evil series storyline to your grandpa

32209: Secretly wishing for Whammies

95734: Sharting your kilt

Ooohh, We're Halfway There, OooohhOOOOHHH, Livin' On A Pathmark

The following two expertly submitted by Emily Kane:

This lovely one submitted by Emily Kane:

EADJ Fashion Roundup: Suspicious Character Edition

IF YOU SEE SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING. LIKE IF YOU SEE WHAT COULD BE AN OPERATIVE OF A TERRORIST ORGANIZATION LIKE COBRA COMMANDER, PLEASE REPORT IT TO THE POLICE.

I don't want to sound racist, but if you're gonna wear a yarmulke and those 180s ear warmers, why not just cover your entire head with a sombrero?

 High heeled sneakers are wildly impractical, but at least they look great, right? No.

Here a suspicious character, possibly a secret agent or government operative, works on decoding a message.

I used my FBI training to surreptitiously zoom in on what he was holding without being detected, using my "iPhone," I perpetrated like I was talkin'.

What is he holding? Launch codes? A schematic for a maxiumum security alarm system?

Oh. A Sudoku. And an easy one, if you ask me. What kind of government operative can't complete a simple Sudoku? Idiot.