Spotted on Packaging For an Electronic "Flaming" Lamp

"The dancing flames are like elves in the dark night." How poetic. But I don't remember seeing elves in The Dark Knight, do you?

Say Goodbye To More Shit

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! (sprayed) Goodbye! Goodbye!

And just so you know, I have managed to archive all of these and currently have 297 say goodbye screenshots. Keep it up, hack advertisers!

Who Says Copywriting is Dead?

Spotted on FB:  

Meanwhile, Back At The Gaslight...

"Hello."

"Hello."

"I'm the Health Inspector from City Hall. Are you Roger Galloway, owner of this establishment?"

"No."

The ProofrEADJer: January Isn't Over Yet? Edition

Here Are Your Job Numbers For May 29

Doods and doodettes!

Mark from the mail room here. Some uppity upper ups have deputized me to remind (translation: nag) you fine folks to complete and submit your timesheets by 5pm today, otherwise Accounting can't  do their job of billing our clients and then WE don't get pizzaid!

So do your due doo-doo and help us HELP YOU!!!!

<3 mark="" p="">

------------------------

67982: Sending out sausage fest invites

49995: Collecting most but not all of the Infinity Stones

24133: Remembering your myspace password

04032: Telling the difference between Gleep and Gloop from the Herculoids

88210: Eating the cheese out of a "crackers and cheese' snack pack like it's cunnilingus

95255: Forgetting your troubles for a while

58243: Keeping the damn blanket on the streaker

08310: Ignoring Mark from the mail room (Hey!)

44812: Explaining the entire Resident Evil series storyline to your grandpa

32209: Secretly wishing for Whammies

95734: Sharting your kilt

A Rebuttal of The Tubes's "She's A Beauty" From The Alleged Beauty, Who Once Again Happens To Be Jocelyn Taylor-Heffernan! What Are The Chances?

Previous rebuttals here and here.

I know at this point, it looks like I'm looking for trouble- luring men and breaking their hearts. But honestly, I'm just a simple claims adjuster who has an after-work cocktail now and then. It's just been my extreme misfortune to be accosted by so many creepy musicians from the 80s! If there were another bar besides The Breakfast Club Bar near my work, believe me, I'd be going there instead!

One of the things I enjoy is having my drink over by the window. That way I can spot Tammy or Debora (not Debra or Deborah with the H) and call them inside to share a drinkie. But lately these guys named The Tubes have noticed me in the window and have started calling unwanted attention my way. Here is my point-by-point rebuttal of what they've been saying:

1) "Step right up and don't be shy / Because you will not believe your eyes / She's right here behind the glass / And you're gonna like her 'Cause she's got class" What the fuck? I'm minding my own business in a window, and now these assholes are charging admission for people to look at me? What about my privacy?!

2) "You can look inside another world / You get to talk to a pretty girl / She's everything you dream about / But don't fall in love" You can knock on the window or put your number on a piece of paper and put it against the glass, but I'm not talking to you.

3) "She's a beauty / She's one in a million girls / She's a beauty / Why would I lie? / Why would I lie?" You'd lie because I can read your lips that you're charging $5 to "check out this MILF's sexy gams". That does it. I'm calling the police next time I see you out there, Tubes.

The ProofrEADJer: End of May, Mostly-Website Edition

It's Time Once Again To Play: Which Can, Erickson? Special MUST SEE TV Edition

Match the toilet location below with the title of a successful television series that people keep tell me I should watch because it's great but I haven't gotten around to watching (and probably won't):

TAV Istanbul Atatürk Airport, Turkey

Walmart, Eagle Rock, Pennsylvania

Shadowbrook Reception Hall, Shrewsbury, New Jersey

Core Club, NYC

Arclight Theatre, Los Angeles, California

National Marionette Theatre, Prague, Czech Republic

Canyon Club, Agoura Hills, California

Buddakan, NYC

Answers will be posted on Monday. So suck on that for the weekend.

Answers To Yesterday's Which Can, Erickson? Marvel's Avengers Edition

Click to enlarge:

"Our?!"

(pictured above, the wrong possessive determiner at the Delmonico salad bar doesn't seem to gross anybody out)