Today We Asked A Man With His Head Squeezed Between A Woman's Thighs What The Secret Is To A Successful Relationship

Note: the last TWAAMWHHSBAWT entry was in May 2020.

"What's the secret to a successful... uh... relationship? That's *ah* a really great question. What it... (gasp) takes is mindfulness, which is...GAG... the art of giving attention to the moment... *choke*...and also it takes is... cough cough cough cough... work- meaning, you have to actively maintain the relati... cough cough cough cough cough cough... relationship to spot-check the areas for improvement and *KAAAAAAAK*... gasp... uh... keep... keeping... *neck snaps*.

Not Particularly Proud Of This

 Was shopping on Amazon. Made use of the "Zoom" feature.

BTW I'm not particularly proud about shopping on Amazon, either.

Received in an Email Today

An ad for a decision making yes/no coin:

I mean, it's pretty, but aren't all coins decision making yes/no coins?

Oh Look– It's Time To Say Goodbye To A Bunch of Crap That Marketers Want You To Say Goodbye To!

Bye bye! Bye bye! Bye bye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye!

Spotted In Target

Space Invaders: The Board Game! It's exactly like the classic arcade game, but with way more steps, harder to remember rules and five times the frustration! Finally, the Amish can play Space Invaders!

Call Me When You Want / Call Me When You Need / Call Me In The Morning / I'll Be On The Pathmark

Now Streaming On the Documentary Channel

Is fiction too fake for you? Then check out these sweet nonfiction-ish documentaries now on the Documentary Channel:

• Slap Fighting: the Private School Sport

• Hollow Earthers: Don't Laugh At Us

• Which Buffet Food Was Spat In?

• The Hoover Dam: A Concrete Fucking Masterpiece

• Cowboy Genitalia & Rodeos

• Aging B-Boys: Poppin, Lockin, and Fracturin''

• My Nuts, Your Eyes

• The First Low Earth Orbital Test of the Apollo I Command and Service Module and How It Proved The Haters Wrong and Shut Them Up Forever

UAG

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Netflix This Month

Here are the shows and films being added to Netflix this month:

• The Big Bad Wolfgang Puck

• The Gerunding

• Stranger Things rebooted with infants

• How A Bill Doesn't Become A Law Anymore

• Killing New Friends At School

Netflix will be removing the following shows and films from their streaming service:

• Love, Ackshually

• 12 Angry Men Who Couldn't Get Out of Jury Duty

• James Cordoned Off

• KC Masterpiece Theatre

• The Teri Hatch-elorette

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto On How To Adjust Margins in MS Word

 

To change margins, click on the Margins button, found on the Page Layout tab. Word lists a number of pre-formatted options, but you can also make your own margins by selecting “Custom Margins,” found at the bottom of the Margins list. You can change each of the four margins in the dialog box that appears.

And speaking of margarine, one time I tried eating one of those Big Breakfasts with pancakes from McDonald's while driving the limo. Big mistake. My dry cleaning bill ended up being bigger than the fare I was driving!

Stay safe, kids!

Yet More Crappy Taglines For a Dud of a Movie

UAG

More Available But Stupid Porn Stage Names

"Sup. Wait, hold up, hoss. You can't walk onto set and start fucking until you get yourself a porn name. My buddy Huzz has some available porn names in that bucket over by the window, and you can help yourself. But be warned, my dude– they're mostly shitty and embarrassing. Like the movies themselves.

Him

B. Nana Sling

Rodrigo Skidmarks

Banging Chad

Ollie Wantsistocuddle

Randy Sumbitch

Her

Mona Clonal Antibodies

Polly Urethane

Cher N. Sharealike

Maxine Out Yourcreditcards

Pegging Youhard

Belle Bivdevoe

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To HBO Max This Month

Periodically, Hulu renews or cancels shows or movies based on viewer preferences. Here now are all the shows that will be added to Hulu this month:

• Cage-free methamphetamine

• VIRTUAL TAMBOURINE

• App-assisted Bluetooth ravioli

• Electric scooter that runs on coffee grinds? Who the hell knows

• Anatomically correct wedding cake toppers

Here are the shows and movies that Hulu is removing from their lineup this month:

• Puppy Mill Workers Unite!

• Contagious Hugs

• Rural Carnie Love

• Braised By Wolves

• Brackish

Kickstarter's Funded and Failed Projects, 2021

The following Kickstarter campaigns were the most successful crowdfunding campaigns of 2021:

• GUUS: the cell phone for geese

• Reshoes: shoes made from recycled shoes

• Yeatstinguisher: a one-of-a-kind extinguisher that puts out fires with the poetry of William Butler Yeats

• Teeny-beerer: whimsical working party keg for teenagers

• Kickstarter Scam: the Board Game- simulates you screwing people over with bogus Kickstarter campaigns

The following Kickstarter campaigns were the least successful crowdfunding campaigns of 2021:

• The Asimov Foundation: sci-fi makeup that makes your skin resemble that of the legendary Isaac Asimov

• Cumbucha

• Leafbeaters: vegan tank tops

• Hipster money clip #4,833,928

• Remote controlled toupee

Dog Park Missed Connections

The following Missed Connections were posted by dogs that visited the Bucks County Core Creek Dog Park in Langhorne, PA:

You: the handsome Dalmatian with the green collar

Me: the shy Collie with the powder blue harness

Hi Dalmatian! You seemed so thrilled to be running around the park that you stepped in my poop. Call me?

You: the light colored cocker spaniel

Me: the Lhasa Apso

Our noses touched at the water bowl. You seemed intrigued. I'll literally smell ya later.

You: woof woof

Me: woof woof woof

Woof woof woof *pant* woof woof woof woof *sniff sniff* woof woof woof woof woof woof, woof!

Meanwhile, At the Gaslight Restaurant...

"What are your specials today?"

"We have an ahi tuna poke with red onions, peppers, cucumbers and cilantro tossed in a Hawaiian poke sauce, and we also have a smoked gouda, cheddar jack, and cavatappi pasta with breadcrumb topping and parsley, topped with braised chicken with endive."

"That sounds good."

"Which one?"

"The steak."

"I didn't mention steak. That's not one of our specials."

"You said filet of ribeye Wagyu steak for $5. I ordered mine rare."

"Huh? I never..."

"OFF YOU GO! Thanks so much! We're ready for our drinks, too."

This Week's New Releases On The Documentary Channel

Watching a documentary is like reading a crappy nonfiction book– it's not always correct, but it sure makes you feel smarter. Here are the latest documentaries streaming now:

• Why Running Scared– the 1986 Movie starring Billy Crystal and Gregory Hines as Cops– Never Had a Sequel

• Peachfuckers: People Who Have Sex With Peaches

• In-N-Out Burger Late Night Adventures

• Cannon Cleaners: The Unsung Heroes of the Crimean War

• How Cut & Paste Revolutionized Computing (and How Cut & Paste Revolutionized Computing)

• How Bill Cosby Spends His Time Now (NSFW)

•  The War on Festivus

• Rude Kermit: How You Can Tell When Jim Henson Was Giving Someone the Finger

• Red Lobster's Corporate Structure: Why Zero Lobsters Are C-Level Executives

UAG

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

2021's Least Used Hashtags

We all know Twitter is a den of wannabes and haters, posting pointless high school gossip bullshit but with grown ups and at an international level, Here are the hashtags that they used THE LEAST last year:

#Tucker

#WalkerHayesGrammy

#bringbackWynonnaEarp

#Teslatruckpussymagnet

#CriticalRaceTheorycoloringbooks

#shouldIsellmyGameStopstockyet?

#thispandemicmademeabetterperson

#IwasattheCapitalriotandI'mnotashamedtosayit