Monday, October 10, 2016

6 Lies Told By the Choo Choo Barn Brochure

Choo Choo Barn is a kid-friendly toy train museum that invites families to come look at a bunch of small shit running through some other small shit to make a whole charming small world of shit. If I sound bitter it's because they wouldn't let me take a poo there even though I showed a ticket stub that I had just been there 6 years prior. 

1) Enjoy seeing hardworking truckers frustratedly sit in traffic while trains whisk by them!

2) The billboard doesn't actually show missing children from a previous tour group who wandered too far into the "Cave of Nothingness."

3) If Amish Country weren't quaint enough for you city folk, the miniature version will charm the ever living whorepennies out of your godless, Instagramming pockets!

4) Master modeler and second generation owner Tom Groff dresses like a doctor, but is NOT a licensed podiatrist. So put your boots back on, Aunt Tina.

5) Scanning this QR code actually takes you here.

6) The Choo Choo Barn Twitter feed is mostly just shirtless shots of Tom Groff, with and without the white lab coat.


Lenscrafters is proud to announce the exclusive "Six Lies Told" line of premium eyeglass frames.

Made with quality plasticine ceramic and putty, these exquisite, lightweight and high-end frames can help you spot lies up to 200 meters away, or only 2 inches away if you're nearsighted haha. That's a joke.

These limited edition "6L" frames will be available in Huron Blue, Agassi Red and Vulva Green and will retail for $295.00.

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