Hi all-
Karlsen from IT here. Those of you who do not subscribe to my monthly Snorks fan fiction podcast may not be familiar with my sense of humor, so please bear with my wacky sensibilities as I make the following company-wide announcement:
ATTENTION ALL EARTHLINGS: YOUR TIMESHEETS ARE DUE BY END OF DAY TODAY. THAT'S RIGHT, TODAY. FAILURE TO DO SO IN A TIMELY MANNER WILL RESULT IN DISINTEGRATION. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED, HUMAN WEAKLINGS!!!!
j/k, guys. Here are the job numbers:
582597: Translating the lyrics for Starship's "Sara" into Spanish
732201: Hiding your ATM PIN number from the prostitute that's with you
124187: Hiding your raging hard-on during an audit
663215: Ordering from QVC just to talk to another human being
922593: Whipping out your Qdoba loyalty card at a Chipotle
222750: Hoping your friends don't notice you stole a bunch of Opie and Anthony jokes
524597: Spelling Matthew McConaughey's name without having to Google it
820005: Bullying Best Buy's Geek Squad
886363: Communicating with your better self in a parallel universe
392581: Successfully resuscitating Resusci-Anne doll
272203: Stopping your cable news interview to vomit into a bucket
634524: Using chip clips to clamp your belly fat for laffs
711129: Swatting at imaginary bees that are actually not imaginary at all
No comments:
Post a Comment