Brand: Marcela Pro Snow Lily
Brand Imagery: Big pink maxi pad (or a pink wooden clog?) floating on a pink sea
Brand Promise: Virtually LINT FREE
Feels Like: Wiping your ass with paper that's just as strong as clothesdryer lint
Brand: Either "b" or "q." I can't tell.
Brand Imagery: a tiny blue tsunami curling on itself
Brand Promise: None
Feels Like: running a taxidermied marlin's dorsal fin between your butt cheeks
Brand: Carefree Choice Series
Brand Imagery: A leaf
Brand Promise: Feels like a leaf
Feels Like: A leaf
Brand Imagery: A plain, unfriendly red and blue rectangle
Brand Promise: You will be taken to a refreshing walk along the Jersey Shore
Feels Like: Steve Buscemi shaking you down for all your struggling shop's money
Brand Imagery: Grey and pink lettering. Plus a grey rose.
Brand Promise: "Your ass will remember me."
Feels Like: Your butthole is the latest "Bachelorette," and all the suitors are wearing sandpaper tuxes.