Hey, want to get into the exciting world of huge discounts and unbelievably chipper spokesmodels? Then join QuiBids today! QuiBids is the latest, most incredible way to get smartphones, tablets and high-def TVs at deep, deep discounts. Here's how it works:
1) Sign up as a member and give us your credit card number
2) Click "yes" to pay a monthly $68 membership fee
3) Go online and bid for an iPad for $28.32
4) Get outbid and re-bid for $300
5) Still get outbid and give up
6) Get persistent emails telling you to bid again even though you've given up
7) Try bidding again and don't hold your breath
8) Realize you're paying $68 to get outbid when you could do that for free on eBay
9) Go on eBay
10) Bid on an iPad for $28.32
11) Get laughed at all the way back onto QuiBids
12) Realize you're hungry and go make a cheese sandwich
13) Find out you're low on bread, so you make a cheese sandwich with one piece of bread and a cinnamon bun
13.5) The snitch is a ball attached to the waistband of the snitch runner, a neutral athlete in a yellow uniform who uses any means to avoid capture. The snitch is worth 30 points and its capture ends the game. (Sorry, that was how Quidditch works)
14) Check your QuiBids Rewards Points balance: 0 pts
15) Try bidding on an iPad again for $31.55
16) Scratch your balls (men only)
17) Forget your QuiBids password; ask to have it reset
18) Get your new password, which is the same as your old password. Whatever
19) Log back onto QuiBids
20) Wonder where your $816 went in one year's membership
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