Wednesday, April 17, 2013

What The "Plus" Means In Many Instances


Ultra Plus
"Plus" = anything that regular Ultra doesn't offer, which is pretty ridiculous since "Ultra" should mean you get a lot already. Which means plain Ultra is just a fucking ripoff.


Ensure Plus
"Plus" = pink diarrhea!


Boost Plus
"Plus" =  also pink diarrhea!


Fiber Plus
"Plus" = a yard-long turd


Backup Plus
"Plus" = why are all these about poop?


Officejet Pro 8600 Plus
"Plus" = four color cartridges that run out of ink after printing one resume.


Discount Food Store Plus
"Plus" = an impressive entire aisle devoted to do-rags.


K&S Curtains Plus
"Plus" = The drapes. Which should match the curtains. Wink wink.


Frontline Plus for dogs
"Plus" = an irrational fear that you're going to drive them to "the farm."


Star Alliance Business Class Elite Plus
"Plus" = You get to board 3 minutes before the other schlubs.


Das Gesunde Plus
"Plus" = "scabies," but in German.


Skim Plus
"Plus" = fat. Which means Skim Plus is just regular milk.


Playmobil Special Plus
"Plus" =  The lingering uncertainty that your child might be choking on a plastic flamingo.


Cal Stat Plus
"Plus" = Raccoon rabies. Which is different from scabies in that it doesn't affect your skin as much as it makes you go completely batshit insane and rummage through your neighbors' trash cans looking for a fish bone.


WeTransfer Plus
"Plus" = $5 to keep us from sharing your personal information to a marketing group in Saudi Arabia.

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