Dollar Bill Slot Was Upset.

 

Dollar Bill Slot was upset.

 

Bathroom Sink was surprised to hear it.

And so was Bathroom Sink's brother, Kevin.

 

Parking Lot Light was pretty angry, too.

 

IKEA Wall and White Van were an angry blue pig together.

 

Messenger Bag said nothing and kept eating.

 

Stairway Railing also shut his mouth.

 

Smoke and Carbon Monoxide Alarm, however, was very curious what everyone was so upset about.

 

Saturn Car didn't want to talk about it.

 

Train Bathroom Latch was told to shut up about it.

 

And even though Library Clock kept talking, everyone thought he was just crazy.

 

Children's Hanger tried to look on the bright side of things.

 

While Coat Sleeve insisted there was no bright side.

 

Child Seat Buckle laughed it off.

 

Emergency Light did the sturgeon face.

 

Expensive Dessert stared into space.

 

And meanwhile, Furniture Store Spool wondered about his bloody stools.

 

Wine Rack waited for everyone to shut up.

 

Ash Tray took a smoke break and waited, as well.

 

Suitcase sat there looking like an idiot.

 

(submitted by Tom Weingard)

While Backpack laughed and sat with her legs open like a slut.

The ProofrEADJer, May Edition

"Lights Up When Open?" Nice Try, Toys Я Us.

Pictured below, Marvel attempts to trick kids and comic book geeks into bathing.

A Make-Up Entry That Was Actually Published June 5, 2012, But We Wanted To Fill In This Missing Entry Because Our Record Was Impeccable Until I Had To Work On Memorial Day Because Of My Fucking Job

Venting!

UAG

Coming Soon To The EADJ Crappinema: "Gooby"

Prejudice is a terrible thing. So when I first saw the poster and then the following trailer for the "family friendly" movie "Gooby," I was automatically filled with revulsion and convinced that this story of a friendless kid learning life lessons from an imaginary bear would be a well meaning but shit-awful turd of a movie.

But that's the very definition of prejudice, isn't it? "Pre-judging" something before that something has the opportunity to completely show you how bad it is on its own.

I now hereby withhold all judgement of this hideous, dead-eyed "monster-type" E.T. ripoff until I see it in its entirety. Soon, bitches.

So How Did Tara Do?

"Vipers" was bad. I think everyone involved in the entire pre-production, production, post-production, and marketing of the film knew that. It was never going to run against "Albert Nobbs" or "The Tree of Life," and its premise was about as unremarkable as its main star, a still-pretty but past-her-prime, C-level actress who can't really act. So I went into this one with low expectations and found that it was actually pretty fun making fun of it.

(Click to enlarge)

For that reason alone I placed "Vipers" in the more favorable half of the EADJ Crappinuum. The movie-watching experience was actually not like shoving pine cones in my butthole or stabbing my eye sockets with steak knives. Or stabbing my butthole with steak cones. What is the matter with me.

The EADJ Crappinema Presents Vipers, starring Tara Reid

As ordered by the Court in April 2008, the County of Los Angeles mandated that Tara Reid star in the movie "Vipers" to fulfill her 120 hours of community service. Once the film had been completed, Tara was to deliver the film to her probation officer and serve the rest of her sentence at its premiere and DVD release party.

Overall grade: F