Lobsterfest® is so prevalent these days that CEOs of corporations are coming out of retirement to enjoy the corporate discount we're offering for all the scrumptiously moist but tender lobster deals at Red Lobster. (This entry was written after 5 beers at a beer garden for lunch.)
• We blast the hell out of some down-lows and craigies, then tilt the shit out of the upper wakies like we're totally gonna max the shit out of the whole thing, then we bring it riding down at the last second before totally whaling the hell out of it before it burns out! Now that's a totally incomprehensible and non-sport specific way to enjoy lobster at Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster!
• One of those parade floats from the Rose Bowl. Yeah, one of those. You take one of those bad boys, then you load it up full of frozen lobster meat and trot it out during a hot summer day (preferably June because that's our most available month). Then you get a megaphone and invite all the kids in the neighborhood to come out and eat the hell out of the oozing, thawing lobster meat while their adoring parents look on in nostalgia of when they did that back in the day. Hell, fuck if that ain't a goddamned shit way to fucking rock the lobster at Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster!
• We buy a Kermit the Frog puppet from a department store, then stuff its ass full of lobster and butter packets and hide at the airport, near arrivals. When a minor celebrity or reality show star shows up, we wave the Kermit puppet so that they go, "Hey, it's Kermit!" and come over excitedly. Then when they hug it too hard, loads of delicious lobster meat and butter come flying out of Kermit's mouth, raining on everyone in the airport, including the porters. Now that's certainly an unusual but approved way to enjoy lobster at Lobsterfest® at LAX.
• Simon Peter said to them, “I am going fishing.” They said to him, “We will go with you.” They went out and got into the boat, but that night they caught nothing.- John 21:3
We add to this Bible verse that Simon Peter and his buddies then came over to their local Galilee Red Lobster to enjoy jalapeno shrimp fritters and a medium drink for $6.99. Red Lobster, Lobsterfest®, a canal. Panama.
• We confiscate everyone's driver's license at the restaurant and put them in a velvet bag. We ship the bag to a sherpa who loads it onto their pack llama and walks it to the top of the tallest mountain in Nepal. Once they have reached the summit of the mountain, he picks fourteen of the licenses from a bag, scans each one with a hand scanner, then emails the list to our manager. Our manager then finds each of the fourteen patrons and asks how their meal is. Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster can be enjoyed this way if you really think about it.
No comments:
Post a Comment