"Yay!"

Hey, you little kids. You wanna have some real fun and learn something about science at the same time? No? Well, listen to this pitch anyway, you little shits.

Thanks to Creative Kids Inc., now can have your own AMAZING VOLCANO in your room or garage or basement. Now you can "erupt" your own "volcano."

See the amazing "eruptions" of "molten lava" shoot out of your "amazing" volcano with the help of a hand pump, but remember to put on your cheap pair of eye protection, because that "lava" will scald your eyeballs blind. "Seriously."

"Amaze" your "friends" with this impressive "science experiment," which you can totally submit as a project at the next school science fair and get a "D" for.

Then later, you can "wonder" why your parents hate you so much that they buy you useless, nonscientific "crap" like AMAZING VOLCANO from the Discovery Store. Maybe so they don't have to spend any "time" with you. They hate you, you know.