H2Dick

Last Tuesday afternoon, Joel went on a serious hike.

He wanted to take advantage of the nice weather and decided to finally hike the 7 mile trail at Topanga State Park, something he had been meaning to do since he'd moved there in '97.

He packed his own backpack, however, after a little falling out with his chimp servant, Chad Yarborough. They had a disagreement over whether the J. Crew catalogs should be stored in the ottoman or thrown against a tree in the backyard. So Joel being the amateur outdoorsman that he is, he packed more dick than water.

So you can just imagine 4 miles into the hike, Joel started getting really thirsty. He had already squeezed all of the moisture out of the dick he'd packed, and there were no streams or lakes nearby. Joel started to get really desperate.

He collapsed of dehydration at about the 6 mile mark. Rescue workers say that he had made a pillow out of the dick that he had left over (a rarity!) and had lay down to die.

Luckily, someone in the Topanga State Park parking lot had spotted him only steps from the First Aid station and gave him plenty of "G." That's what Gatorade apparently wants you to call it these days.

So Joel turned out fine, hungrily finishing off the dick pillow before jumping in his Rav-4 and heading home to threaten his chimp servant Chad Yarborough with his new switch.

(Pictured above, a bodybuilder's ass resembles the Necronomicon)