Building Dome Was Scared: An EADJ Christmas Special

Building Dome was scared.

Buck-toothed TP Dispenser felt bad.

Printer Paper Tray Guide was upset.

Lemons and Containers sat next to each other, screaming.

Refrigerator Magnet was sad that his black nipples had to show.

Bound and Gagged Register Plug struggled to get  help.

Recycling Bin bellowed for everyone to get together.

Speakers and TV loudly invited everyone over.

Parking Meter smiled at the turnout.

Powerbeats3 Wireless Earphones smiled as well.

S&M Thomas the Tank Engine made an appearance.

So did Donald J. Trump, the president of the United States.

Best part of all, Man-Thing showed up!

Someone brought a pony with an upside down face.

Tarp and Brackets was positively thrilled.

And everyone took selfies afterward. Merry Christmas!

The ProofrEADJer: Second Week of November Edition

A Disturbed Holiday Offer

Spotted on Facebook: It's hard to look badass when you've got animated clipart snowflakes falling all over your band. SNOW-AH-AH-AH-AH!!!

Also, since when did the lead singer start looking like Phil Collins?

UAG

EADJ Fashion Roundup: Sweet November Edition

Dang. That guy is like a CHERRY/CHERRY/LEMON on a slot machine.

Steve Zissou takes a smoke break–after bowling a game, apparently.

This lumbering beast of burden plowed three rows in Penn Station before Farmer Blake could plant next year's corn.

Look. It's Nick Nolte's mugshot.

This is either a wacky French cartoon or a very easy page of "Where's Waldo?'

This middle aged hipster still cruises Tinder and brews his own craft beer. Has he mentioned his Twitch Channel where he plays RDR2?

Say It Ain't So, I Will Not Go, Turn Pathmark Off, Carry Me Home

The EADJ Crapcade Review of the iPhone Game "Rapper Run"

I bet you're thinking, "Hey cool, a new EADJ segment!" No, actually this is a very old segment that hasn't been featured on this blog for almost 9 YEARS TO THE DATE.

Why such a long time? Who knows. But it's definitely not because there haven't been terrible videogames and apps in the last 9 years. Blame it on laziness and distraction.

And another thing- the game we're reviewing isn't even available anymore. It was a digital turd laid back in 2013. So how lazy is that?!

Rapper Run is (was) a game that capitalized on the never-ending running games like Subway Surf and Temple Run. 

But this time it's with crude, perfunctory animation and with RAPPERS!

See, you can choose your character, like not-Kanye West, because I guess the developers discovered you can't use real rappers' likenesses in games if you don't pay them.

So, pivot. You can choose all your favorite rapper characters to run, like Dr. Dre's son Curtis Young (?????!????) Yukmouth or @HipHopGamer. All your favorites.

But that's not all. You can also choose to be YouTube star "Francis"!

FUCK, WHY ISN'T THIS A CONSOLE GAME ALREADY?

And like rappers do, you're going to run along the median of a street and collect coins. Wait, is that rappers or Martin Lawrence? Wow, super old reference from another century.

Anyhoo, the other motivation to keep running is to run away from rapid fans, à la Beatles in "A Hard Day's Night". Ruuuun.

The gameplay from what I remember was choppy and basic. The sounds were just a hip hop beat and someone pretending to be Kanye yelling "Ungh!" The touch screens on gas pumps are more sophisticated than this asshole of a game. Good thing you can't download it anymore. 

Final grade: F