UAG

EADJ: The Year 2014 In Review

So Google+ took a bunch of photos off of EADJ from the past year and generated a nice compilation video set to some 80s German electro.

I'm sure Google+'s original intent was to compile some nice photos of family and friends, etc., but this EADJ video is just a long parade of useless crap:

Crap in, crap out, right? Crap blog.

An Imagined Conversation

"Oh, Casey, it is sooo hot at this construction site!"

"I know, right, Kassy? We're just two hot, sweaty construction workers! Why don't you take off your shirt?"

"Mmmmm! Feels so good on my chest!"

"Yeahhh. Look how the sweat is just beading off your breasts. Mmmm. Now help me hang this dry wall over here."

"Sure. We can hang it, sexylike."

"(purrs) Get that side while I pick up this end!"

"'End!' I see what you did there, bad girl!"

"Yeah! No hold it there by that stud while I get this naughty, naughty nail gun to nail it good."

"You are soooo bad!'

"Aren't I? I just..."

(accidentally pulls nail gun trigger)

"AHHHHH! MY EYE!"

"Omigod! What happened?!"

"YOU JUST SHOT A NAIL INTO MY EYE, YOU BITCH!"

"Wait a minute. Why weren't you wearing eye protection?"

"FUCK YOU, BITCH! I CAN'T SEE! AAAHHHHH!!! AAAAAAHHHH!!! IT HURTS!"

"You know, eye protection is standard at all construction sites. There's no need to get snippy with me all of a sudden."

"SNIPPY MY EYE, YOU FUCK!!! MY GOD, THERE'S SO MUCH BLOOD!!!! HELP ME!!!! AAAHHHHHHHHH!"

"Wait, are you not wearing your work gloves either? Are you even union?"

An Imagined Conversation

"Hello, welcome to Satin Dolls Gentlemenses' Club. It'll be ten bucks."

"Okay."

"Enjoy the show. The girls have almost started howlin'."

"Howlin'?! I came for the humpin', actually."

"No. Humpin' ended at 6pm. We've just started the all nite howlin'."

"But it's 5:50."

"Yeah, the girls need ten minutes to clean up from all the humpin' before they get started on the howlin'. So you're catching them pretty much between shows."

"So there's no more humpin'."

"That's what I said. No humpin' until 6am tomorrow, when the new shift begins. If you want humpin', I'm afraid you're going to have to come back tomorrow."

"Wouldn't it make more sense to do the howlin' during the day and the humpin' at night, when more men are likely to stop in?"

"I don't make the rules, chief."

"Is there a manager I can speak to?"

"Look, fella. The only manager here is working the kitchen right now, preparing the profiteroles and apple tarte tatin."

"Apple tarte tatin?! Jesus, what kind of hoedown is this supposed to be?"

"A fucking classy one, motherfucker. You have a problem with classy, then just go across the street to Headliners, where their skanks will hump you anytime but their beignets are pretty much made from frozen."

"Ew, gross."

"Be my guest, motherfucker. I warned you."

"Well, I guess I could go for 12 hours of straight up howlin'."

"That's the spirit!"

W.H.A.T.?

Spotted in a subway platform magazine stand, F.E.D.S. (Finally Every Dimension Of The Streets) Magazine, whose editors apparently have never written pithy headlines for magazine covers before, unless that's pretty much the entire gist of Kenneth Waller's story. Frankly, I think they just copied the first sentence of each article.