UAG

Six Lies Told By The Kittatinny Dual Racing Ziplines Brochure

1) It's not actually real racing between the two lines. Zipline #2 drags like a burro with a club foot.

2) That is what a thumbs up under extreme duress looks like.

3) Kittatinny is known for their canoes, so why not trust your life to them making an extra buck with a steel cable and a harness with wheels? Same thing, right?

4) They wanted to say "shit," but thought "zip" was cuter. "Shit" would've been cuter.

5) You are not required to heil the Fuhrer while riding, but you are allowed to.

6) "Reservations recommended, walk ins welcome?" Well, which is it? What kind of passive aggressive parenting is going on here?

---------------

EADJ and the National College Greek Council are proud to announce the opening of the very first chapter of the Six Liesa Tolda fraternity on the campus of the University of Kansas. The "6LT" house is located on the corner of W 15th and Vermont Street, between the Kappa Alpha Theta and Kappa Kappa Gamma sorority houses. The house has rooms for over 30 fraternity brothers and features 3 shared bathrooms and a basement meeting room.

A List of Things Kanye West Would Probably Not Like Based On Past Reactions To Things He Doesn't Like

• fluorescent golf balls

• the whole Elf On The Shelf thing

• elements with no stable isotopes in the Periodic Table of Elements

• Nerf

• the famous park bench scene in "Good Will Hunting"

• Rudyard Kipling's poem Gunga Din

• staying at a Marriott

• Weird Al doing a parody of one of his songs

• The Houston Oilers "Derrick Dolls" cheerleaders

• work of any kind

• anonymity

• humility

• keeping his opinions to himself

• the gradient tool in Photoshop

• making a puppet by markering a face on your hand

• any books about farts, farting or flatulence

• Gaston from "Beauty and the Beast"

A Rear Entry

Submitted by Emily Kane via text at 7:38pm last night:

"SFVOSP!! Couldn't get frontal. Deal with it."

Although this does not earn Emily another Mollusk Award to accompany her Platinum Mollusk Award at the bottom of this page, she is commended for her late night diligence stalking the tunnels of her former employer, Unnamed Organization.