A Copywriter Gets Too Clever For an In-Store Sign at CVS

"Strive to underachieve." Meaning, try to have a cold for less than 7 to 10 days.

So a roundabout way to say take better care of yourself. 

So buying CVS cold relief products will help you "underachieve" compared to duration of the average cold.

WHY AM I SPENDING SO MUCH TIME ON THIS SIGN THAT NOBODY READS?

Once Again, It's Time To Say Goodbye To Shit That Advertisers Want You To Say Goodbye To

The latest roundup of hack, lazy copywriting:

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Farewell! Goodbye! 

The EADJ Facebook Defriender

I've got plenty of FB friends. I can afford to lose one or two. Like D_______ who posted this dumb and vaguely racist meme on her Wall:

Come again? What are you saying now? If there were more corporal punishment, kids wouldn't go around acting like wannabe gangsta thugs, is that the lesson? Or is it a very roundabout way of saying that black kids need to be spanked more? Whatever, man. My brain can't close the loop for you if you don't meet it halfway.

Yeah, D____, you were spanked and look how you turned out. Inarticulate and simplistic. BYE BYE!

This film has not been rated.

EADJ Catches Up WIth Kevin Federline

EADJ was lucky enough to land an impromptu and exclusive interview with former-Britney Spears backup dancer and husband Kevin Federline yesterday. Here is the transcript:

Kevin Federline: Hello, do you know what you want?

EADJ: Yes, I think I'll have the footlong meatball on flatbread.

Kevin Federline: Do you want that toasted?

EADJ: Sure.

Kevin Federline: What kind of cheese?

EADJ: What is there?

Kevin Federline: There's Swiss, American, provolone, and...

EADJ: Swiss.

Kevin Federline: And you said you wanted that toasted?

EADJ: Yes, please.

(Kevin places the sub on a tray into the speed convection oven)

Awkward silence

(The oven beeps, and Kevin Federline takes the sub on a tray out of the oven)

Kevin Federline: What ingredients do you want on it?

EADJ: Tomatoes, lettuce...

Kevin Federline: Onions?

EADJ: No, let me finish. Tomatoes, lettuce, peppers...

Kevin Federline: Green peppers?

EADJ: Japaleno peppers.

Kevin Federline: Do you want a drink with that?

EADJ: Yeah, gimme a large fountain drink.

Kevin Federline: For $5.99 you can get the combo with chips.

EADJ: Okay.

Kevin Federline: You can pick any of the chips in that rack- Sun Chips, Baked Lays... any of those.

EADJ: Okay.

(Kevin hits a few buttons on the register)

Kevin Federline: That'll be $6.70... out of $10... $3.30 is your change.

EADJ: Thanks.

The ProofrEADJer, Ugly American Edition

And then I traveled to Prague in the Czech Republic, which is a bit unfair because English ain't their primary language. Still, whee!!!!