Slow Down, Lacey Chabert

I happened to Google "Lacey Chabert" and "Christmas" to see how many Hallmark Christmas movies she's in, and holy shit, I had no idea she was in at least TWELVE.

Jesus, Lacey, slow your roll. Leave some of the Christmas movies for other...

... What the hell? There's more?! How can you...

...OKAY, OKAY! You win, Lacey Chabert! You're the new Queen of Christmas. JEEZ.

The Latest New Benefits Of An AMC Stubs Rewards Membership

AMC would like you to join their Stubs Rewards program. How badly? Well, they've partnered with a ton of co-sponsors to bring you the hottest, latest exclusive perks if you JOIN NOW! Here are the latest benefits you can enjoy as an AMC Stubs member:

• The guy at Dunkin will show you his hilarious dick tattoo

• Everyone at the Hair Cuttery will discuss movies with you, no matter how boring you are

• Free large popcorn with purchase of the entire AMC theatre

• The local car dealership will let you take a "test drive" to the part of town that has prostitutes

• Access to exclusive AMC gummy worms in commemorative collectible box

• If anyone slaps the phone out of your hand for texting during a movie, we will let you fight back

• Free golf cart ride to the bathroom waaaay over on the other side of the theatre

• Free commas ,,,,,,,,,,,,,

• If any big name Hollywood celebrities show up to watch a movie, we'll let you sit behind them so you can smell their hair

• Free unpopped popcorn kernels- all you can carry home!

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness, Week of August 20

Just in case you had never heard the first 6000 times he's mentioned it: 50 Cent once got shot. I think my mother knows this already. 

Hey, look. The ultimate YES album cover/sports car dorm poster.

And the award for Most Literal Album Cover goes to...

I honestly don't know where to begin here. I just didn't realize guys still shaved stripes into their eyebrows. I thought that went the way of Vanilla Ice in "Cool As Ice."

Here's the thing- if you don't call ahead and tell the front desk you want an EARLY CHECK-IN, you're going to be left waiting in the lobby like a plebe.

FKA twigs decided to really go for that booger at the next stop light.

"Hello? Do you know how to use Photoshop? No? Okay."

I can't tell if this is supposed to be that "James Bond" tunnel or if these two assholes are stuck in a clothesdryer.

I'm not a guns expert, but "all I know" is that a semiautomatic weapon doesn't need a scope on it.

The "KISS" font. The literal interpretation of a Jimi Hendrix lyric. I like it!

Jesus rolled dice for your sins?

N⚭.

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

Historians cannot agree whether Benjamin Franklin killed one or two guys in prison.

"Blur out that model's pussy and asshole, then put an X to censor the word 'SHIT.' We're trying to release a family friendly mixtape here, fellas."

Ms. Dalton regretted volunteering to chaperone the field trip to the museum.

"Over here, Dej. The camera's right here... no, you went to far to the left. Move your head over here to the right... no, too far again...Maybe you should take off the goddamned sunglasses."

BALL Z  = RASH

"Fabolous, I served with Dr. Dre. I knew Dr. Dre. Dr. Dre was a friend of mine. Fabolous, you're no Dr. Dre."

"Over here, guys. The camera's over here. No, over here. Oh, for cryin' out loud..."

"L'Algerino, do you have to go to the bathroom? Which is it, a number one or a number two?"

Nothing says hip hop like a word cloud in the shape of an off-the-air TV show.

Historians also disagree over which floating Mexican cartel Benjamin Franklin sold drugs for.

"Perico Boyz? T Millz? Sorry, guys, none of you are on the list. Please step to the side of the ropes."

No change. This is easily the best Photoshop job I have ever seen on a hip hop mixtape.

Possibly the worst headline the Dove ad campaign has ever run.

Hey idiot, you're so high that you're trying to make a call on a stack of fivers.

Let's Discuss The Long-Term Effects Of Fracking On The EADJ Mail Sack!

Submitted by John Reid (& family!) via snail mail, a belated but precious Christmas ornament for this year's tree:

I believe this makes this entry the first literal mail sack entry.

John Reid's Been Away From Full Time For Too Long

John Reid's been away from full time for too long.


John Reid's been away from full time for too long.