Let's Say Goodbye To All The Stuff Marketers Are Telling Us To Say Goodbye To

Goodbye! Goodbye! Bye! *kiss*

The Latest Releases On The Documentary Channel

The Documentary Channel continues to offer the most compelling, most entertaining documentaries this side of factual news. And here are the latest documentaries you can bookmark but end up watching CSI reruns again:

"No: The Insurance Claim Adjusters Story"

"Michael Bay's Enactment of The Granada Invasion"

"WHA? Dumb People Ask How Basic Things Work"

"The History of Your Mother Jokes, As Presented By Your Mom"

"Jesus's Disciples: Why Only One Of Them Talked to the Paparazzi"

"DMX in the DMZ with TMZ"

"The History of Spaghetti: You Must Really Be Bored Tonight, Huh"

"I Don't Believe You Baby: The Most Underrated Line in 'Dirty Dancing'"

Spotted On My Spotify

Three very good listening options.

Some More Available (But Terrible) Porn Star Names

Porn is a booming business. And you, a young runaway with dreams of making it big in L.A., have found that you could be a big, rich porn star if only you had the right name. We at EADJ have some available names for you, but they're not the best in the world. But they're not taken. So go for it:

Him

Ponda Jerry 

Juan D'Erection

Joe Thighs, Man

Large Hardon Collider

Sperm-man Helmsley

Brook Kakke

Her

Wanda Takeabreakfromallthisfucking

Lily Putian (for a little person)

Quinoa Kale

Nondesirée

Koo D’etat

Lisa Honda-Today

Deb Bigbangtheory

EADJ Selections From the Sharper Image Catalog

One good thing about the Sharper Image catalog is that it's got some pretty high quality printing on some decent stock semigloss paper. The staples, too. There are three of them holding the whole thing together. Some quality work, really.

Here are some items from said catalog that you can buy for some reason:

(click to enlarge and read)

Here Are Your Job Numbers

Greetings, all. Sorry we haven't been able to share these sooner, but the last-minute reschedule of client presentations and Sheryl's baby shower in the Fishbowl have delayed the collection of these job codes. Please use these numbers instead of the ones given back in April:

76552 - Metadata Meeting

84944 - Social and Digital Extension Brainstorm

93411 - Discussion of Enterprise vs. Millennium Falcon

50567 - Faking Timesheets

10092 - Dollar Store Spending Spree courtesy of Petty Cash

88294 - Teaching the I.T. Guy How To Kiss

39231 - Smoke Break (No Vapes)

28221 - Comparing Your Leather Jacket To The CEO's

58994 - Explaining To H.R. Why the Term "Titty Twister" Isn't Offensive

20246 - Pushing Your Amway Shit In Conference Room B

49328 - Furious Argument Over Who Keeps Stealing The Kitchen's Honey

90032 - Fainting

18231 - Audit of Sally's Workout Clothes While She's At Lunch

54930 - Vomiting Again

Finding His Center

You know those "balance trainers" for skaters and snowboarders, which are essentially wooden boards on a spool? Well, Joel got one of those to "strengthen his core" whilst eating dick. His Erotic Yoga classes at Curves were doing a pretty good job of toning his legs and chest, but Joel noticed that he needed more. But with his time-consuming hobby of dick-consuming, it was getting hard (ha) for Joel to really get a wholistic workout. So he found a suitable training board in the latest Lillian Vernon catalog and ordered one. His chimp servant Chad Yarborough is expecting the package later this afternoon.

EADJ will update you soon on Joel's review of the balancing ripoff board.

Let's Try to See How Wide We Can Make The Hole of the EADJ Mail Sack!

(pictured above, an actual letter –written in purple glitter pen– left on Jeanette's doorstep. Click to enlarge)