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Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

The ProofrEADJer: End of July Edition

 

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Things Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex and Meghan Markle, Duchess of Sussex Talk About

• How Grandpa looks silly in that crown

• What tell-all books they could write, now that both of them have already told all in tell-all books

• What's new on Netflix

• How things were different shooting on Hallmark Movie sets, but different in a good way

• Where to store these polo boots in this lousy 2 bedroom apartment

• If being a Duke or Duchess expedites hiring at Walmart

• Who farted

Fringe Backdrop

This segment is so stupid.

Meanwhile, At the Gaslight Restaurant

"Hey Josie. What's up?"

"Hey Gerald. Just letting you know I'm taking next week off."

"What? You didn't notify me of time off. Especially since we have that wedding reception next Wednesday."

"No, I told you that I was taking the week off. Remember? I was in your office and submitted the letter and you checked the schedule and said okay."

"That doesn't sound right. I don't remember us discussing... oh, I SEE WHAT'S GOING ON HERE."

"What are you talking about?"

"No, I see what your'e doing. Turning on the tables on me now, right? GASLIGHTING the manager for a week off..."

"Not at all, Gerald. I have a copy of my notification letter right here."

"Oh, SURE. You typed this up this morning and are pretending that somehow I had that time off conversation when I clearly don't..."

"What's that, again?"

"Oh, I see my copy is right here in the file. And I blocked off the week for you on the whiteboard. I guess we did have this conversation after all."

"Told you."

"Sorry about that."

"No problem. I'll see you in two weeks!"

"Sure, see you in... WAIT, THAT'S NOT MY HANDWRITING!"

Vince's Uncle Roberto On How To Renew A Sri Lankan Passport

A Sri Lankan citizen can apply for a passport renewal, while he is in another country, through the Sri Lankan Mission in that country or in the nearest country.These applications are processed by the Overseas Missions Branch at the Head Office of Department of Immigration and Emigration Immigration. Take these steps to renew your Sri Lankan passport:

1) Fill out your application form (Form ‘K’- 35 A) with other supporting documents and submit to a Sri Lanka Embassy.

2) Passport Application Form (Form ‘K’- 35 A) has now been revised to include a Client Undertaking Section (CUS). This section has to be signed by the applicant and hand over to consular officer. No application will be accepted without applicant’s signature in CUS.

3) Every applicant will be issued a special Instruction Note at the point of handing over the passport application which explains procedures to be followed.

And speaking of procedures, when I'm driving a fare in my limo, it's important that you follow the correct procedures for operating the divider window. Too many times I've had that thing stuck because two different people were trying to control it at once. Be safe kids!

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

The Latest New Documentaries To Watch On The Documentaries Channel

The Documentaries Channel streaming channel has announced a full roster of new releases. You can start watching any of these now if there's nothing else on:

• How Documentaries are Made

• TikTok Influencers, Sociopathy, and How To Smash Their Phones

• Let's Count the Dimples on a Golf Ball (spoiler: 336)

• The Splendor and Dignity of Carnival Geeks

• Pranking the H.O.A.

• Custer's Second to Last Stand: An Underrated Victory

• King's Hawaiian: A Dinner Roll Empire Forged in Ambition and Machiavellianism

• Dick Pics: The Unsolicited History

EADJ Introduces: Fringe Backdrop!

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This Week's Least Used Twitter Hashtags

Since a certain someone bought Twitter then renamed it X then allowed far right, white supremacists and Russian bots to take over, Twitter and its main audience has changed a lot in the last few years, so too the idea of least used hashtags has changed:

#democracy

#genderequality

#blacklivesmatter

#respectfulpoliticaldiscourse

#icouldbewrong

#maybeishouldgetofflineandrevaluatemylife

#theSouthlost

More Upcoming Info Wars Conspiracy Stories

Anyone with critical thinking skills knows that Alex Jones and his merry band of conspiracy pushers make shit up weeks in advance of their shows. Here are a few you can look forward to:

• The show Info Wars itself was started by God, except that god was Dinlas, the Greek god of hate and chaos.

• Avocado pits are listening devices by Central American spy agencies to monitor American consumers who throw parties with delicious guacamole

• Meg Ryan never existed. She was 100% special effects and camera tricks

• Every piece of AI artwork was stolen from San Diego-based painter Doug Marshall

• Sliced cheese is delicious

Weird Advert

Spotted online, an ad for home equity loans, featuring a very confusing visual:

I get the "DIP into your equity" connection, but why an avocado? That doesn't seem to be part of the Lending Tree brand (and I understand avocados grow on trees). 

And is that a nacho shaped float in the pool? Why is the chip so much smaller than the avocado? I'm also concerned about that white towel that's about to fall off the side.

Also, as avocados go, that one sucks because look how huge the pit is and how little pulp is left.

Final grade: F

"Marcia! Marcia! Pathmark!"

The Latest Successful Crowdfund Projects on Kickstarter

Kickstarter has announced its latest round of greenlit enterpreneurial projects. Backers of these projects can look forward to not getting ripped off:

• a hands free toilet that wipes your ass with scorching lasers

• an album by a washed up pop singer covering traditional Irish folk songs although the singer isn't remotely Irish

• a t-shirt that says I'M JUST THE BAR BACK for bar backs at bars

• an ice tray that makes specially shaped cubes that slip out of your hands and onto the kitchen floor (No wait, they all do that)

• crunchy mouthwash

• breast milk spumoni

• a helpful NYC map that shows all the sidewalks where you'd get arrested if you took a dump

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Netflix This Month

Every so often, Netflix renews or cancels shows or movies based on viewer preferences. Here now are all the shows that will be added to Netflix this month:

• That '00s Show

• Mucinex Commercial starring Kevin James

• Stormy Daniels Storytime

• Some Shit Documentary About Tollbooths or Whatever 

• BEET THAT! The game show that challenges you to identify 6 different types of beets.

Here are the shows and movies that Netflix is removing from their lineup this month:

• Friend of the Cousin of Alfred from Batman

• Let's Cook Jamie Oliver

• Expensive IP: The Series

• Influencer Death Match

• Dance Battle Champion: The Secret Life of Walter Cronkite

This Week in Chicago Whatever

The following are episode synopses for this week:

Chicago P.D.

Farrow discovers a dark secret about the break room fridge. Captain Stewart keeps getting confused with another captain whose first name is Stuart. A sloppy arrest results in the suspect going free and two cops misplacing their police duty belts.

Chicago Med

Dr. Wilson discovers a dark secret about the break room fridge. EMT Jenny has a beef with the trauma nurses over a vicious rumor about her breath. Everyone in Triage mysteriously gets hives.

Chicago Fire

Lieutenant Gordy discovers a dark secret about the break room fridge. Somebody parks in front of the station garage door. Everybody gets addicted to the "Dance Moms" marathon on TV.

Happy Independence Day from EADJ

We at Eat a Dick Joel wish you a happy and safe July 4. For those of you who insist on setting off fireworks with little or no regard for safety precautions, we hope you find the fingers you blew off so you can get them reattached in the Emergency Room. Enjoy!

Huh?

Thanks, Reese's. I was getting sick of those meat-based peanut butter cups.