Alex Jones's InfoWars head writers have leaked some upcoming stories that they're "working on". Here are their latest assaults on reality:
• Elmo isn't actually a puppet but a small illegal alien in a costume working without paying taxes
• Palm trees are actually giant microphones for the CIA. AVOID MIAMI AND LOS ANGELES
• Never trust a thin TSA agent. No further explanation is needed.
• Tucker Carlson is a decent human being who just wants what's best for this country.
• Like Starbucks and In-N-Out Burger, White Castle has a secret menu. But it's so secret that only members of the Skull Society and the Illuminati can order it once a year.
• Scientists have learned how to grow bacon on the moon. And cheese hasn't used real dairy ingredients since 1946. Truth!
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