UAG

Twitter's Least Used Hashtags, Week Of November 27

What, this again? This fake bullshit entry where we pretend that these are actual hashtags that people have refused to use on Twitter, so then we're offering them for the reading public to use in their own insipid tweets? Yep.

#ottertits

#stripperdick

#skoalcasserole

#harmonicalewinski

#makingabongoutofajoint

#wherethefuckisthataltarboy

#willyoubemineKateGosselin

#hewongetoveritiamagoodperson

#dumpingcomcastfortimewarner

#shittingfrommydeerstandandlovingit

The Amazing Spider-Pathmark

UAG

Here Are Your Timesheets For The Week of Whatever Date This Is

Delivered-To: jqncsu@ncsu.eduReceived: by 10.220.150.3 with SMTP id w3cs127581vcv;Tue, 4 Oct 2011 14:49:35 -0700 (PDT)

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Hi all!

Sorry for the email gibberish. I don't know how to remove it! This is Grace from reception, and Mr. Peterman has charged me with reminding everyone that timesheets are due by the end of this week! He says this is very important for each and every one of you to do to keep billing up to speed, and I'm sure all of you can do it! So if you need a job code for doing your timesheet today or tomorrow, just look for it on the following list, and THANK YOU!!!!!!!!

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328573: Thinking up a nice, folksy analogy

572599: Arguing feebly how saying "All Lives Manner" isn't racist

238151: Relearning that Soulja Boy dance

992856: Sucking up to Ernie Hudson

611053: Rubbing one out in the supply closet

035125: Cleaning up the supply closet

247255: Making you my bitch

725595: Restructuring polling districts to favor your candidate

383833: Explaining to a novice rapper that "burying the beef" isn't a sexual thing

605112: Sucking the clear gelatin from a can of Vienna sausages through a straw

931753: Googling cheat codes for 2048

And Now For "Avalanche Sharks," The "All Trump Transition Team" Edition

"But none of these are funny," you'll say. And I'll agree.

Air Was Scared

Air was scared.

Weather map was confused.

Light fixture said, "Stop whining."

Photo Developer looked on in shock.

And Bathroom Stall Shelf just sat there like a doofus.

The ProofrEADJer, Turkey Leftovers Edition

UAG

Twitter's Least Used Hashtags, Week of November 13

Twitter can suck my ass. But if you use the damn thing, here are unpopular hashtags you can use to further pollute the Internet with your shitty opinions and widen the political divide in this faltering country:

#3titbuffet

#yogaaftertacos

#newcoffinsmell

#chandlerbingfanfic

#GordonRamsaymeditation

#onehourblowjobatLenscrafters

#NoMan'sSkyGameofTheYearEdition

#who'sgrabbingmyballsundermyskirt

#IwanttopunchChrisPrattsohardintheface

Ruler Zig-Zag-Zig Allah Jam is Fatal/Quick To Stick My Pathmark Sword Right Through Your Navel

Today We Heckle The Oriental Trading Holiday Catalog

If you ever go to one of those arcades where you pump in countless quarters and end up with a handful of tickets that you can use to purchase useless plastic toy crap? Well, Oriental Trading is where they get that useless plastic toy crap. The holiday catalog has added sections of crap costumes, crap decorations and crap crap.

In a room full of people with ugly sweaters, you can finally stand out from the crowd with the Ugly Sweater Party Sombero. Does it make any sense? No, but look, everyone's looking at you now, puto!

This is a demeaning Nativity costume if there ever was one. I'd rather dress up as a manger turd.

Oh good, you can now get dressed as either Mrs. Claus or Santa's mistress.

Santa A, knowing he was just "good," apparently got belligerently shitfaced before the shoot.

Sadistic hunters string deer up like this before they gut them from crotch to throat.

This stress toy is a friendly reminder that Jesus guides you and also prevents you from murdering everyone at work.