1) "Blow harder, you lightweight."
2) "Mom, I'm not going to judge your life choices, mainly because I think some of them got me here."
3) "You blew only a .15? Sweet! I'll call my gymnastics class and tell them I'm going to be on time."
4) "Can I finish your margarita?"
5) "Maybe if I bail into these bushes she won't notice."
6) "Dad was right to leave you."
7) "Fuck it, I'll drive."
8) "I don't know if that thing measures bad breath, but my detector is off the charts."
9) "Why are we wasting our time with this? Just give me a Phillips screwdriver. I'll break the locking pins in the ignition and we'll be off, easy peasy."