Everybody says that Millennials are our future. That they're the ones to be marketed to now, so we should begin to understand what they care about and what they don't know. So whatever, here is a short list of things that Millennials don't know or understand:
• Currency: what are these coins and paper pieces? Boring!
• Writing in cursive: who writes anymore? And why are those letters connected?
• "The Dukes of Hazzard:" Was that the Jessica Simpson movie?
• Eating without taking fucking pictures of it with your fucking phone: Huh?
• Keeping family drama private: But I want to share with social media how much a dick my Mom is!
• Software on discs: Is that a band?
• Not writing in emojis to make a coherent sentence: --------------
• Camelot Music Stores: Now you're talking alien language, right?
• General knowledge without using Google or Siri: (sad kitty cat emoji wearing a viking helmet)
Fuck you, you movie theatre-texting, selfie-taking, non-social-skills-having shitheads!