Fiverr Update

My Fiverr request from yesterday got a response and a first draft sketch!

Logo designer nuraroni from Indonesia delivered this:

A pretty damn good start!

☑ Badass

☐ Lemur

☑ Astronaut suit

☐ On fire

☑ Wielding nunchucks made of pepper grinders

Needs a few adjustments, but I think we're well on our way, Fiverr!

A Short List of Things Millennials Don't Get/Understand/Care About

Everybody says that Millennials are our future. That they're the ones to be marketed to now, so we should begin to understand what they care about and what they don't know. So whatever, here is a short list of things that Millennials don't know or understand:

• Currency: what are these coins and paper pieces? Boring!

• Writing in cursive: who writes anymore? And why are those letters connected?

• "The Dukes of Hazzard:" Was that the Jessica Simpson movie?

• Eating without taking fucking pictures of it with your fucking phone: Huh?

• Keeping family drama private: But I want to share with social media how much a dick my Mom is!

• Software on discs: Is that a band?

• Not writing in emojis to make a coherent sentence: --------------

• Camelot Music Stores: Now you're talking alien language, right?

• General knowledge without using Google or Siri: (sad kitty cat emoji wearing a viking helmet)

Fuck you, you movie theatre-texting, selfie-taking, non-social-skills-having shitheads!

NEW YEAR'S PROJECT! Vince's Uncle Roberto On How To Build Your Own Composting Toilet

Building a composting toilet is actually quite easy.  With some simple tools and some elbow grease, you can quickly convert your turds into compost for your garden. Here's how to build a composting toilet in time for your evening constitution:

1) Build a hinged toilet box 18" wide and 21" long. Get two boards 3/4"X10"X18" and two 3/4"X10"X19.5". Get two hinges. Get one piece of 3/4"X18"X18" plywood and one 3/4"X3"X18". Hinge the two pieces of plywood together.

2) Cut a hole in the larger piece of plywood to fit the top of a 5 gallon toilet receptacle. Make sure the hole is only 1.5" back from the front edge of the plywood. Always use identical receptacles in a composting toilet so they will all fit correctly. Buy a standard toilet seat.

3) Mark holes on the box for the toilet seat as you fit it in place. Drill the holes and attach!

And speaking of "attach," when hiring one of my limos for a trip, please don't show up and request that I tow a trailer or mount a luggage rack on top. I have a corporate image to maintain, folks. Stay safe, kids.

UAG

Joanne Versus the Claw, Part II

Here is the previous entry covering the ongoing conflict.

You gotta be dicking me, Joel

(pictured above, Ayana's first Goatse)

Let's rest our chin on the space between the opening of the EADJ Mail Sack and the other, smaller opening!

(Submitted below, a composite sketch of the Shorter Fatter Version of Scott Peterson, built by Matt Webb, who last spotted it on May 21.)