Monday, October 26, 2015

Some Movie Ideas Culled From the Names of Carnival Rides at the Jersey Shore

Hollywood has exhausted all original and adapted content, turning everything from Shakespearean plays, comic strips and even "reading is fun" posters in school libraries into full length feature films. Desperate, the major studios have recently turned to a placard at the Jersey Shore that tells you how much rides cost for the latest crop of blockbuster properties:

***Already made into movies: Carousel, Bounce, Convoy, Train, Tornado, Moby Dick.

"Motor Jumps" starring Kelly Preston, Justin Theroux, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje and Hugh Jackman
A BMX pro racer (Jackman) must prove he can still compete with younger, more extreme competitors. Kelly Preston plays his wife/manager who gets him on the right course to positive thinking and BMX winning!

"Samba Balloons" starring Christina Hendricks, Sofia Vergara, Scarlett Johansson and Kat Dennings
Directed by Paul Verhoeven
(No plot needed)

"Wave Swinger" starring French Stewart, Joseph Gordon Leavitt, John Lithgow, Kristen Johnston, and Jane Curtin. Directed by Fred Savage
This prequel to "3rd Rock From The Sun" features all the original cast, whose performances were motion captured and rendered to look a lot younger. SEE FRENCH STEWART GESTICULATE IN IMAX 3D!!!!!!

"Dizzy Dragons" starring Josh Hutcherson, Teresa Palmer and Gretchen Mol. Directed by Atom Egoyan
This tragic drug-addiction drama follows three young people who turn to heroin after the Sharper Image store they work for closes down. Michael Ironside plays the stoic but concerned strip mall manager "Mikey."

"Bulgy" starring Johnny Depp. This musical version of the recent gangster movie "Black Mass" chronicles the ups and downs of Whitey Bulger's criminal career in song. Music by Stephen Sondheim. Lyrics by Slash.

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