Another Brief Summary of What Mall Kiosk Attendants Are Thinking

The following is an accurate account of what Sela, attendant at the "Cool Topic" kiosk in the Seven Bridges Mall in Dispatch, MA did while working on July 20, 2013:

• tried to fit her fist in her mouth

• thought about the plot holes in "Pacific Rim"

• called her daughter to ask what "twerking" is

The following is an accurate account of what Kelvin, attendant at the "Solo Computing" kiosk in the Valhalla Shopping Center in Kergie, SC did while working on July 18, 2013:

• gave the manager at Bose the stink eye

• adjusted his piercing by uncrossing his legs

• vowed to befriend a Jew this year

The following is an accurate account of what Rodney, attendant at the "Coin Connexion" kiosk in the Dumphrey Mall in Sarasota, FL did while working on July 18, 2013:

• beat his high score on Draw Something

• licked his canker sore raw

• remembered that his wedding anniversary was two weeks ago

The following is an accurate account of what Mikembe, attendant at the "Bath Fitter" kiosk in the High Point Mall in West Egg, AZ did while working on July 19, 2013:

• hummed that Amy Grant song

• made a mental note to smile more, even when he was constantly in excruciating pain

• recited every one of Susan Sarandon's lines in "Bull Durham," but in Swahili

The following is an accurate account of what Yancey, attendant at the "Hatfuckers" kiosk in the Fictional Mall in New Delhi, PA did while working on July 21, 2013:

• tried to understand today's "Garfield"

• smoothed his flyaway eyebrows

• shat his Dockers

The following is an accurate account of what Layney, attendant at the "Eyebrow Threading Now!" kiosk in the Eastlake Mall in Jaundice, MS did while working on July 17, 2013:

• disowned her family by text

• threaded this fat cow's nasty-ass eyebrows

• scratched her eczemic taint with a pencil