Someone needs to explain all the bruises.
While prepping Joel for a segment on "The View," makeup artist Marcia Duckworth noticed some strange purple marks on his neck and back. When asked about the marks, Joel acted nervous and peed his shorts. Marcia reported the incident to Joel Protective Services in Santa Monica.
Whoopi Goldberg also reported noticing Joel's neck bruises during the taping of his "View" segment but declined to bring it up. Instead, she told some easy anti-Bush jokes from 8 years ago.
Joel Protective Services contacted Joel earlier this morning to document his physical state and to question his chimp servant, Chad Yarborough. The chimp servant mumbled something about a trucker friend of Joel's who got angry when his dick wasn't eaten enough. He described the vioelnt altercation to agents then excused himself to start preparing Joel's fish dinner.
EADJ will keep you updated on what kind of fish the chimp servant is preparing as soon as the information becomes available– whether it's tilapia, scrod or just plain salmon.
(pictured above, a gift for that uncle of yours who just refuses to die already)
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