UAG

I can't tell, either.

Washer/Dryer Was Disenfranchised.

Washer/Dryer was disenfranchised.

Bathroom Stall Hinge was, too.

And so was whatever the hell this thing is.

Crocs On A Drum tried to look on the bright side.

Snow Sled was not having it. "Bucket," he said.

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto On How To Clean Suede Shoes

1) To clean shoes use a small amount of white vinegar on a dampened cloth.

2) Gently rub the shoe with the damp cloth and after that allow it to dry in the open air.

3) You can also have a “Shower & Stain” protection applied to suede items. This will potentially prevent spotting from rain showers and repel some stains.

And speaking of repellent, fellas, if you don't usually wear cologne, don't put on a case of Axe Body Spray when prom night rolls around. I can hardly breathe driving out front! Be safe kids.

Let There Be Racist Appliances And Let It Begin With Me

UAG

Twitter's Least Used Hashtags, Week of Mar. 7

The following hashtags are missing a nice home. Won't you include one of these in your racist tweets today? Thanks.

#haddaway

#smeagolsexsounds

#bingewatchingTheView

#sluttymuumuus

#bencarsonenergizingthebase

#takingBuzzfedseriously

#hypemanunderstudies

#cleaningmyballswiththeOlympictorch

#TwittersLeastUsedHashtagsismyfavoriteEADJsegment

Why Barbie Would Make A Terrible Spy

"Barbie Spy Squad' just came out on DVD, and apparently Barbie plays some sort of secret agent, which sounds like a pretty fucking awful idea when you think about it. Here are just a few reasons why:

• A pink trench coat with sequins will get you shot.
• There are very few countries where a 6'4" blonde will blend in.
• Tailing someone is almost impossible when driving a pink Corvette.
• Nobody trusts their secrets to what they think is a high-priced prostitute.
• Barbie would be too busy being an airline pilot, a forest ranger, and a fashion model to spend enough time gathering significant intel.
• If placed under 'enhanced interrogation' by the enemy, Barbie would siiiiiiiiing.
• She has no inside voice.
• Barbie hasn't had the stomach for murder ever since she strangled Skipper in a bar fight.
• Barbie is MADE IN CHINA, so you'd know where her loyalties would lie.
• It would take her 4 hours just to get dressed before doing anything.